


Injured

by iamtheillusion



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-04
Updated: 2014-03-04
Packaged: 2018-01-14 14:19:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 36,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1269601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamtheillusion/pseuds/iamtheillusion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eden is terrified of every man who comes in contact with her on the Enterprise after she is rescued from the slave trade. Can she learn to trust? OCxBones, some OCxKirk?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

As I opened my eyes, my hazy vision met one thing: tubes. Tubes everywhere, coming out of my arms in multiple areas and I could just barely feel one on my neck.  
I was lying in a bed. The ceiling was blue.

That was all the information that I had about the place I found myself.

I tried to sit up, but quickly found that I could not; a shooting pain ran through my ribs like a knife, and a cry escaped from my lips out into the empty room. My scream echoed down the darkened hallway.

Moving to cradle my injury, I looked down at my arm and noticed how many tubes there were. Both arms, almost covered.

"You're up."

I swung my vision towards a dark haired man in a blue uniform who stood not far from me. My eyes widened.

I panicked.

I shook my head and tried to push myself out of the bed but I was too weak. The tubes were keeping me there; holding me down. So I tried to hide. As he stepped forward, I retreated further under the blankets, pushing my face into the pillow as much as I could. "Hia—hia!" I begged, clutching my side. Tears trickled down my face. The pain near my ribs was like nothing I'd ever experienced. Sharp and shooting and quick.

"Listen to me, calm down."

I felt his hand on my shoulder and I shrank from it.  _English._ Father taught me that—I knew that one. "Please, please, please, no," I cried. My hair stuck to my forehead uncomfortably. I grabbed at the tubes in my arm and pulled.

"You're going to disconnect the tubes keeping you alive!" he said impatiently, grabbing my shoulder and trying to pin me upright. He held my arms down while I cried and cool metal locked around my wrists. Keeping me here. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

He walked towards one of the medical machines, pushing buttons in a random combination. My sobs choked me as I shook my head wildly. "Please don't hurt me, please, sir,  _please_!"

He froze, back towards me.

I was still crying loudly. Still petrified. "Please don't do this, please don't hurt me."

When he turned, he looked almost remorseful. "I'm trying to heal you, not hurt you." He shook his head, knotting his fingers together. "What do you think I'm doing?"

I sniffed but didn't offer a response.

Upon further inspection, I noticed he stood much further back now. "How do you feel?"

I shivered. All the tubes in my arms did too, clicking against each other. My arms were still locked to the bed. I didn't answer him.

"Your ribs hurt, don't they? Right side?" His tone was different. Gentler. I couldn't tell if he was trying to catch me off guard, or if he was just acting nice now.

I glanced at my side and looked back up. I nodded.

"That's because three of your ribs are broken, among other things. You're tougher than you look to survive that crash."

I was trying not to make any eye contact with him, but it was harder than it seemed. My tears were drying on my face and it was uncomfortable to not be able to reach up and wipe them away.

Walking off, he pushed a button on a machine further away and spoke into it. "Jim."

Another voice came out of the box, and I sat up a bit taller, trying to see. The voice answered, groggy, "Bones, it's three in the morning, it better be important."

After that, he tried to speak in hushed tones. I could still hear him, but I pretended not to, laying my head back down on the pillow. I noted, however, how tired he seemed. How dark the circles under his eyes were.

I wondered how long he'd been awake.

I wondered how long I'd been  _asleep_.

The doctor spoke low into the machine. "Listen, I know what time it is. But she's up. And I don't know what to do with her, Jim—she's scared out of her mind, and she won't answer any questions."

"You ever thought that maybe she just doesn't speak English?"

"She does. She was screaming and saying not to hurt her."

"Shock from the crash?"

"Not a classic case at least, and the drugs I gave her were non-hallucinatory. I think you need to see her."

I heard him sigh from the other end. "I'll be right up."

"Wait, Jim."

"What?"

"Bring Spock."

"Excuse me?"

"Just trust me, bring him."

And then he let go of the button, and the voice on the other end was gone.

When he looked back at me, I feigned sleep and he fell for it. Once I opened my eyes again, though, I found that he was intent on something else on the other end of the room. Measurements, or something. I let myself relax an inch; he was far away and unfocused. But I felt my palms get clammy as I remembered he had called two other men for help.

I didn't know what their intentions were.

I hoped they weren't all going to attack me. One was bad enough.

My breathing quickened again but I tried to calm myself inwardly. Anything that these people could put me through would not be the worst it had ever been. I had experienced worse and I would, most likely, experience worse in the future. So I needed to calm myself.

I wished I could pull my hands up to the curve of my neck, but they were still clamped down to the bed. I wanted to huddle into myself and hide away from it all.

I cursed the man in my head, but then thought better of it; at least he had kept me alive. I assumed that all these tubes were doing just that: medicating me, nursing me back to health—at least that's what I guessed from what he had said earlier.

I heard the doors on the far end of the room slide open and feigned sleep again. Maybe they wouldn't bother me now; not when I was asleep.

I made out of the sound of their footsteps, coming further inside. Closer to me. A sleepy voice yawned, "Bones, she's asleep, we shouldn't—"

"She's not asleep." That voice was the doctor. "Look at her breathing patterns, Jim, they're going up. She's nervous that we're over here."

_Calm yourself, calm yourself, calm yourself!_

"Hmm." I felt a single set of footsteps drawing closer to where I was. "Are you awake?"

I tried to even out my breathing. It was only getting quicker.

His hand grazed my shoulder and instantly my eyes snapped open, moving away as best I could under my binds. Breathing was harder.

"Captain, I would recommend that you step away. She is obviously frightened of your close proximity to her." I turned to look at the third man, who, as he advised the 'captain', was standing a safe distance away.  _Vulcan_. He wouldn't hurt me. He would keep me safe; Vulcans were honorable people. I had learned this long ago.

I let out a shaky breath and spoke quickly in his language. " _Please don't let them_   _hurt me, I'm very scared._ "

The doctor and captain narrowed their eyes as the Vulcan responded smoothly. " _We will not harm you. We are friends, do not fear_."

" _Then why am I being restrained?_ "

The Vulcan whose name I assumed to be 'Spock' looked at the doctor sharply. "Unlock her binds. She is not a prisoner."

"Spock, she was going to rip out her IVs—"

"She will not now. Please unlock them."

I looked up at the doctor for a shaky half-second and said quietly, switching smoothly to English, "I will not undo the effort you have put towards healing me. I apologize."

The doctor looked back once more before halfheartedly pushing a button that made the chains disappeared into the mattress.

The man who I assumed was "Jim" pulled a chair up to the foot of my bed. A safe distance away, but still not a comfortable one. "How do you feel?"

I could feel my heartbeat in my head. Nerves. "In pain, Sir."

"3 ribs broken, from the crash," the doctor finished for me.

"Where was your ship going before the crash?"

I rubbed my hands together, willing them not to shake. I didn't want to be afraid of these men, but I was. I didn't know anything about my circumstances; all I remembered was being on the ship to Regant IV and a bright light; there wasn't anything else.

I pulled a piece of hair behind my ear and looked at the Vulcan. " _I do not wish to be rude or disrespectful to the captain, I would prefer speaking to you alone, sir._ "

The Captain looked at the Vulcan inquisitively. Spock responded, "Her exact words, roughly translated, are, 'all due respect, but I do not feel comfortable speaking with them here'."

"Do you know her, Spock?" The doctor asked, incredulous.

"I do not," he intertwined his fingers in front of him. "but she is seemingly much more at ease speaking to me in Vulcan than with you both in English."

The doctor cracked a smile and I felt better. I had thought maybe he was going to hit me for my disrespect; but he had only thought it funny.

"You Vulcans always win, don't you?"

The Captain laughed and I looked over at him. He looked like Cameron. Tall, mischievous eyes, dirty blonde hair. Except that Cameron could be trusted and this man could not be. Not yet.

The Captain caught my glance and held it before I looked down at the sheets. He stood up and said, "I'm very sorry if we scared you. That was never our intent. You're safe on the Enterprise, don't worry."

The Vulcan stood too. "Unfortunately, your words will most likely mean nothing to her until they are proved."

The captain kept a slight smirk on his face and brought his hands together. "Well then, Spock. You figure this out, because I'm going back to bed." He turned back to me and nodded. "Goodnight, miss."

As he walked out, the doctor walked over to Spock. "If I'm not going to sit in, then I'm going to catch an hour of sleep—wake me up when you're done and I'll keep an eye on her vitals." He walked down the hallway and called behind him, "Don't forget, Spock. I've gotta keep an eye on that blood pressure."

"Noted, Doctor McCoy."

And then it was just myself and the Vulcan. I felt myself relax exponentially, and I peeked at the scanner on the screen. The one that identified my breathing was back to normal. I rested my head back down on the pillow, closed my eyes, took a deep breath in, trying to regain balance in my system. I focused up on the ceiling as my equilibrium returned to normal. Meditation was something I learned long ago to cope with my surroundings; it helped, sometimes, after the danger and the panic were mostly gone. He waited patiently.

" _Thank you for waiting_." I said, looking up at him. " _I am sorry that I cannot sit up at the moment, it is very painful to move._ "

" _There is no need for an apology. You are injured, you should not be expected to socialize at all._ " He paused for a moment, collecting his own thoughts. " _You are Terran, I assume?_ "

I nodded slowly. " _You must be very learned to know so quickly._ "

" _I was thinking the same of you. So far, you have proven that you are fluent in two seperate languages. Do you know more?"_

" _I'm fluent in…four total. But I know pieces of others."_

" _Would you be comfortable speaking in English? I have become accustomed to thinking in that language rather than this one."_

"Of course."

He raised an eyebrow at my ability to change back and forth from language to language. "I will not deny that I am impressed."

"That is very kind of you, sir." I paused, looking at him squarely. "Where am I?"

He grabbed the chair that the Captain had been seated in and pulled it to my bedside. "You have been rescued by the USS Enterprise, a Starfleet vessel. The ship you were aboard crashed on the planet we were scouting, Alpha Taurus. You," he spoke slowly, wary, "were the only person who survived the crash."

My eyes widened. "You're sure?"

He nodded.

As a smile found its way to my lips, I closed my eyes and thanked whatever being was controlling our universe that I had gotten away from Echo.

"Are you well?"

"Yes," I beamed, trying to sit up from excitement but finding quickly that my injury would prevent it. I looked down with knotted brows and grazed my hand along my sides. A small price to pay for escape. "Did your ship shoot it down?"

He was still confused. "No, it had already crashed—I apologize, but I do not understand why you are so elated for the misfortune of your ship."

I paused. "I was a slave aboard that ship. I was being transported to Regent IV for another sale before it must have crashed."

An eyebrow rose as he looked down at the floor. "My deepest apologies for your—"

"What's done is done." I stopped. Carefully choosing my words. "I have your crew to thank for rescuing me. As you probably noticed, however, I have a certain…irrational mistrust for human men."

"With good reason," he said quietly. "Why, however, do you so easily trust me, but not the Captain or Doctor McCoy?"

"Because you are a Vulcan. And Vulcans have honor, while men do not."

He pondered my words, not saying anything. "What is your name?"

"Eden."

"A rich, ancient name. It suits you well."

Silence overtook us. I was glad that he didn't try to pry into my past; to ask of things that would only bring back sharp, cutting memories that I had long tried to suppress.

His voice broke the glass silence. "Eden: I feel I must assure you that no harm will come to you while you are onboard the Enterprise. I will explain the situation to the Captain and the Doctor, and we will try to accommodate you as best we can. But I must urge you: McCoy is a licensed doctor who, in order to heal you, may at times, have to be in close proximity to you to do his work. You must learn to trust him. I assure you, his hands will not wander."

"It is not as simple as you would believe." I took a steady breath.

"I do not believe it to be simple at all. And while I do not understand or process your emotion of fear, I do realize your reasoning of mistrust from a logical standpoint."

"Don't let them be offended, Sir. I don't mean to push them away. It's a terrible reaction, but one that I have nonetheless."

He leaned forward slightly. "You apologize for your human reactions due to a troubled past. Do not apologize for such things. They are merely your mind's defense systems reaching out. Defense systems that must be re-trained in a safe and trustworthy environment."

"You make it sound easy."

"It may be simpler than you let yourself believe."

I pulled my hands up to the curve of my neck. I felt myself drifting off again; whether from natural sleep or medication, I wasn't sure. "I won't bother you any longer, please go back to sleep in your quarters. Thank you for your time."

He stood and nodded respectfully. "Sleep well, and rest in the comfort of safety."

I let myself fall fully back into the pillow and called after him, "Should I stay awake for the Doctor's arrival?"

He raised an eyebrow, barely. "You were listening, as I should've assumed. I will take down your vitals and give them to the Doctor. He will have no need to come back for the night." He peered at the scanner, opening a file of some kind on it, before he looked back at me. "Please, rest. If he insists on personally checking, I will not leave."

I nodded and burrowed down in my pillow, my breathing steady and even, feeling secure for the first time in eight years.


	2. Chapter 2

When I woke up, the room looked exactly the same as it did the night before. No windows on a Starship. I looked at my body scanner but found that the time wasn't written on it anywhere. Sighing, I looked back up at the ceiling, my mind flooded with thoughts that I hadn't dealt with yet. It was strange to have time to  _think_. I had never had that before.

Mixed emotions swirled through my mind as I thought thankfully about Echo's death, but also about my new situation. I didn't know what to do next, or where to go now.

"Morning," the doctor said, bringing in the vague smell of coffee with him and carrying various medical tools with him on a tray. "I'm gonna do a full physical exam, to make sure nothing else is wrong with you."

I stared downward. My stomach churned. I knotted my fingers.

As he pushed a few buttons, the back of my bed rose, so that I was almost sitting upright. I didn't meet his eyes. My hands shook like leaves in the winter, just trying to hold on.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, alright? I'm just making sure you're not sick. I'm just trying to help, okay?"

I nodded, eyes still locked on my legs, hands clasped tightly.

Gingerly, he placed the end of a device onto my back, making sure not to touch me with his hands, and put the front parts in his ears. "Breathe deep for me."

With difficulty, I tried to take a deep breath in, but didn't make it all the way to the full capacity of my lungs—my side hurt too much.

"Try again."

I did, but once again, I didn't make it all the way.

He shook his head, muttering, and jotted something down on his PADD. He grasped a small cylinder that looked like a pen from the tray. "Look up at me."

Slowly, I looked right next to his face, into the darkened hallway. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes; not yet.

"Eden, come on."

"Yes sir," I said quietly. I bit my tongue, afraid of punishment, and looked at his eyes. His brows were creased and he shined a light into my eyes one at a time. Even though I squinted, I kept them at his eye level.

I noted quickly that his eyes were brown, with little flecks of grey scattered. Odd.

More scribbling.

He scanned a device around my neck and continued jotting little things down. The scanners didn't bother me. No one was touching me, neither of us were looking at one another, and it was quiet. That was alright.

He scanned my side and looked back at me warily.

"Listen, Eden…I have to feel your ribs, because that's where you're having the problem."

The thought of hands on me again made me shake.

"But listen, I'm gonna get someone to be in here with us, okay? Maybe that'll make you feel better."

He didn't wait for an answer before he sent out a message on the intercom. "Lieutenant Uhura to sickbay, at your earliest convenience."

He looked back at me. "You'll like Uhura."

I didn't look up at him, didn't speak. Only thought about his hands on my skin. I stared at them, like foreign things.

"You called, Doctor Mccoy?"

A tall woman with caramel colored skin walked into the doors with purpose, scanning the room for the doctor. Her eyes fell on me.

"Oh—hello there."

My eyes fell before we had time to look at each other. I folded my arms into myself.

The doctor spoke from the side of the room, seemingly unaware that I could hear. "Listen, I need your help for a few minutes. She has injuries near her abdomen and ribs, but I've got to feel where the damage is. And I'm sure Spock has told you, she's more jumpy that a wet cat."

When I looked up for a split second, I saw the woman nod.

"Look, I would've just gotten a nurse, but she's more comfortable speaking in Vulcan when  _I_  can't understand her. So, just sit in here, hold her hand, talk to her in Vulcan, I don't care. Just  _something_."

She stepped towards where I sat and smiled gently. "I'm communications officer Uhura, but you can call me Nyota, ok?"

I nodded. Eyes on the ground. Always on the ground.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Eden."

"You speak Vulcan?"

I nodded again.

When she opened her mouth, I was surprised to hear a perfect, crisp accent leave her lips. Better than mine, honestly. My eyes fluttered up. " _The doctor has to perform a check on your ribs to make sure they are not damaged. I'm here to make sure nothing happens that you don't want happening. Your advocate._ "

I looked up at her and smiled. " _Thank you."_

When I nodded, Uhura motioned for him to come over.

"We're gonna lay you back down now."

Gently, the back of the bed fell back slowly, I was lying back down on the bed, my head on my pillow. Uhura stood on the other side of the bed from the doctor, grasping my shaking hand. I squeezed my eyes shut as I knew the doctor's hands would soon come to lift up the top of the gown.

" _They say the doctor has the steadiest hands in the fleet_."

I ignored her comment. Steadiness was irrelevant in the current situation.

They were about to see.

They would understand soon.

His hands popped open the first button near my collarbone and all the ones after that, stopping near my pelvis. Cool air rushed on me.

Shocked looks on their faces.

"My god," he said under his breath, and staring at an equally shocked Uhura.

Bruises and cuts and scrapes,  _everywhere_. Not a single thing untouched by the purple, yellow, and red splotches on my body. "I knew it was bad from the scanner, but…Christ."

"Please don't press too hard, doctor." I whispered. My teeth chattered.

He shook his head, still stunned. "No—no, I'm not gonna hurt you, darlin'." he said quietly, almost to himself. "Nobody's  _ever_  gonna hurt you like this again. Not on my watch."

" _Who did this to you_?" Nyota asked. She squeezed my hand.

" _My past owners. I can only hope that the doctor will be a kinder owner._ "

"What?" she asked, shocked.

The doctor looked confused. "What? What did she say?"

"She thinks that you own her."

"Because he does," I interjected. "With all respect, he saved me from the crash, brought me back to life. I belong to him, legally."

"Now hang on a damn minute—"

"It is true, doctor." I insisted. "Please finish your check quickly. I don't like this."

He shook his head and began placing his hands on my abdomen, feeling for injury. I flinched and dug my chin into my shoulder, but if I was being completely honest with myself—his hands were warm and his touch didn't side over me like a snake. It was just where he  _needed_  to feel.

"It's alright. It's gonna be okay," he said quietly.

I bit my already raw lip, feeling waves of paranoia rush over me like the sea. "I'm sorry for my reactions, Sir."

Sighing, he answered gently. "Your reactions make you human, Eden. It's fine."

Uhura raised surprised eyebrows at him each time he talked to me quietly. I didn't understand it, but I shook it off.

Light touches near my ribs that didn't linger; prodding that didn't hurt as much as it felt merely uncomfortable.

He shook his head and pulled away before moving to button up my gown again. "Osteogenic stimulator," he mumbled to himself, leaving my side to get supplies. He called behind him, "You can go now, Uhura, thanks."

"Will you be okay?" she said, full attention on me.

I nodded, hopefully convincingly. " _Thank you for staying with me."_

She smiled lightly. "Of course. If you need anything, let me know."

I looked up at the ceiling as she left. I could hear the doctor fiddling with medical tools.

"I'm gonna run this over you and it should help speed up the healing process by a  _lot_ ," he said once he was back next to me. As he scanned it over the length of my injuries, I didn't really feel anything. I looked up quizzically.

"Try to sit up."

I pushed up onto my elbows with a small amount of pain, but nothing completely unbearable. "Amazing," I whispered. I wanted more than anything to ask him how it worked, but I knew that would be a breach in courtesy. You shouldn't ask annoying questions to your owner.

He started scanning me with another machine, this one small and grey, that made a beeping noise every few seconds. He looked down at me and asked, "What's this you were saying about me _owning_ you?"

"That you do. I am yours. Legally."

He squinted at me and grimaced. "No, I didn't buy you, I just patched you up after we found you in the wreckage. That's all." He moved the scanner to the side of my neck, pushing my hair away and I shrank back. He pulled back quickly, surprised at my quick reaction, but then moved it slowly towards me again, not touching skin.

"But that's just it," I started slowly. "You found me. You took the care and energy to heal me, then I must belong to you, Sir."

"I don't want you," he said simply, pulling the scanner away and moving across the room to place it back on the table.

I sat in the bed, shocked. "You would rather me be killed instead of simply taking me?"

At that, he turned to look at me. "Who said anything about being killed?"

"The rules state that if a slave does not belong to a man and is not going to be sold, then they are wasted space and must be done away with."

"They kill people for just…being in the way?" he said slowly.

I nodded. "It gives slaves initiative to do their jobs correctly. It does not always work."

And then I realized: I couldn't talk to him this way. This was against the rules. This was not right.

I ducked my head down and murmured, "I apologize for speaking so candidly to you, Sir."

"No, no, candidly is good, I—" he stopped as a beeping noise came out of his belt. He flipped open the devide. "Mccoy here."

"Doctor, you're needed on Deck 9," a female voice rang out.

He rolled his eyes and mumbled to himself, "If this is another prank, I swear to God—" he stopped before he left, looking back at me. "I'll be back later. There's a PADD on the table that I loaded with some stuff you might be interested in, if you like to read. But try to rest, if you can."

And he was gone.

I reached over for the PADD, amazed at the difference in the pain levels between now and earlier. I felt so much better. But as I leaned over to reach the table, I caught a view of my arm.

The bruises and scarring—gone.

Completely.

I searched under my hospital gown as well. Everything was healed.

How did he do this?

I assumed this was the second scanner's doing, but,  _how_? How did these people have this kind of medical power? To get rid of years of scars and scrapes and bruising, and not even feel it leave the body?

I wondered if I could ever ask the doctor about the methods on board. Maybe he would be alright with it…after all, he did say that candid was a good thing.

I set the PADD in my lap and tried to maneuver it the best I could. I didn't really understand the controls, but I didn't have too much trouble. You simply touched what you wanted to read. There were twenty or so titles pertaining to different subjects, and I pushed down on the one that read  _The Marvels of Modern Medical Science_.

Maybe now I could get some answers.

It would feel good to learn again.


	3. Chapter 3

The shadows crawled around the aging walls. A cold wind brushed through my hair, and I shivered at its bitter touch.

" _I'm coming, sweetheart."_

_The voice echoed ominously in the darkness of the barn and I pulled uselessly against the binds that held me to one of the posts. It couldn't happen. Not again._

" _Here I come," it taunted. I pulled harder as tears stung my eyes and the rope cut into my wrists._

_It couldn't happen again._

_Oh, god._

_More struggling._

_Lips on my ear whispered "Ready, little girl?"_

I woke up to the sound of screaming ringing in my ears, and a hand on my arm.

"Let go!" I yelled, pulling against the darkness that held me under. "No!"

"Eden, you've got to calm down, goddamn it!"

"Let me go!"

"It's Mccoy, you're on the Enterprise!"

I stopped. My heart still raced. My hair stuck to my neck.

I was in bed, in sickbay, with the doctor.

My hands shook as I looked at him.

 _Echo's not here,_ I said to myself.  _He's not here._

"I—I'm—I'm sorry," I whispered.

He let out a long breath and closed his eyes. "Whatever was going on in your head, it must've been terrifying, because you sure as hell scared me."

I pulled my arm out of his grip and placed my hands in my lap. "Sorry I woke you, Sir."

He got up from his sitting position and stared at me, unsure. "Do you need to talk about it?"

I shook my head.

"You want some water?"

I shook my head.

"You want me to get someone? Uhura? Spock?"

I paused. "Don't disturb them."

Neither of us spoke, but he didn't leave like I assumed he would. I guessed that it was in the early hours of the morning; the heavy bags under his eyes told that much. I didn't know why he stayed.

"What happened to you," he asked, finally looking me in the eyes. My focus flickered toward him for a half second. "You weren't always like this. I know you weren't. You're too smart."

Trying not to cry, I bit my tongue down. "I—I—I can't." I shook my head. "I can't talk about it. I can't bring it back."

"Bringing it back will make you heal faster, Eden. Pushing it down doesn't help you in the long run."

"It's helping now," I snapped. I looked back down at my hands. "Sir."

"Stop that. It's Mccoy, alright?"

I nodded obediently. "I'm sorry I woke you. Don't let me keep you up."

"You're not keeping me up, you're my job. Come on now, we'll start with simple questions, okay? Yes or no?"

I nodded. Helpless to the situation.

"You were a slave?"

"Yes."

"You were born on earth, not a slave?"

I nodded. "In America. Alabama."

He smiled to himself, "I'm from Georgia. Look how much we've got in common already."

In all honesty, I very barely remembered where Georgia even  _was_. And he had seemed to hold onto his accent; mine had disappeared very early on.

He started again. "You were taken when you were…nine?"

"Eleven."

"How old are you now?"

"Nineteen."

He played with the hem of the sheets on my bed as he talked. "You were taken by someone named Echo?"

The name struck chills in me, and I felt my head get lighter. "How did you know that."

"You were screaming it in your sleep."

I paused. "He wasn't my first owner, but he was my worst."

The doctor seemed pleasantly surprised that I decided to talk on my own.

"His family didn't know I existed," I continued, stuttering occasionally over the harder parts, "he kept me in their barn. He was a farmer. And he said that if I ever told anyone I was up there he'd kill me, and then he'd go back and kill my family because he knew where they were."

"Surely he couldn't keep you up there all the time,"

"No. Which is why he'd rent me out to people in his village during the day."

His face was grim as he said quietly, "You were the biggest secret in town, weren't you."

I nodded. "It was a game to them, I guess. I wasn't a normal prostitute. They loved the fact that I didn't want them but they wanted me." I added quietly, "That's what I thought you were doing last night."

Somber, he looked up at me. "You know that no one on this ship would ever treat you like that, don't you?

"I don't know. I haven't known anything else in a long time."

My stomach seemed to lurch and I felt my throat get tight. The panic was vibrant in my eyes as I started heaving. "I need—"

The doctor ran to grab a container and brought it up to my lips just before I vomited. I closed my eyes in defeat.

"It's okay. It's alright, it's a lot to deal with." He didn't make a move to touch me in a comforting way, and for that I was grateful. It was enough that he cared to listen.

It was a miracle in itself that he had gotten me to talk.

He got up, replacing the container with a cloth, and handed it to me. "Press it down on your forehead. You'll feel better."

I laid back down and did as he said, feeling myself being pumped with more medication and falling deeper and deeper into sleep.

I thought to tell him goodnight, but was asleep before the words left my lips.  
-

"Wake up," I heard a voice say from far off. "Come on, wake up."

My world came whirring back to life. I lifted up my head and opened my eyes, meeting the doctor's.

I shrank back into the coolness of the sheets and stared.

"I have to run an iron count test. Sorry I woke you. And good morning, too."

He moved around the clean, sterile room gracefully, knowing where each and every medical tool resided. As he grasped various things from drawers, I knotted the sheets in my fingers. The air from the vent hit exactly where I was lying, and I felt like I couldn't very well ask them to turn it  _off_.

So I waited, shivering. Both from the cold and from his presence.

Once he finished gathering his things, he set a tray next to my bed. He held a hand out. "Can I have your arm?"

Gingerly, I reached out. He grasped my wrist with his fingers and turned my arm over, revealing the blue veins and some of the bruises. His grip was gentler than I expected, like it wasn't even there. My body, however, reacted like it did to the people who hurt me: my hands shook like leaves.

He looked away from my arm for a moment to look up at me. "Steady now, steady," he said quietly. "Not gonna hurt you."

I nodded. I didn't really trust him yet, but I knew. I couldn't, however, seem to turn off my body's defense systems.

He grasped a cool wipe and ran it along the fold of my elbow. As he worked, I asked in a small voice, "What does that do?"

"Cleans it off. Makes sure no dirt's on the skin before it's exposed."

He got rid of the wipe and reached for a rubbery looking band on his tray. "This keeps the blood flow in your arm…it's gonna be tight, but not awful."

Again he grasped my arm—this time the top of it—and tied the band around it. I grunted quietly but didn't complain. The rubber felt sticky on my skin.

"I have to take a blood sample, so I'm gonna have to prick you, but it won't hurt once it's in there."

I eyed the needle on the tray. I had figured as much. There were other needles in my skin—the IVs—but I hadn't been conscious for those.f

Great.

He loaded the needle in and moved to set it near my arm, but stopped.

"You don't have to look, you know. It helps some people if they don't."

Nodding, I looked over into the darkened hallway. My arm was tensed, worse than before, because now I didn't know when it was coming.

The needle punctured skin and I shut my eyes tightly and hid my face in my neck. I didn't shout, or cry, or do anything that he was expecting.

I just waited.

Careful not to look at the needle lodged in my skin, I looked up at him. He gave me a comforting ghost of a smile. "You're doing better than most people."

My lips were pursed. "Thank you, Sir."

He made a move to correct me on calling him 'sir', but decided against it. As I waited for the tube to fill, I felt his fingertips running gently along the edge of my wrist. It was almost… _nice_.

"Almost done."

And before he had hardly finished his sentence, he pulled the needle out, and checked the measurement on the tube he had taken.

"Not bad, Eden. You're a better patient than sixty percent of this ship." He moved to put his tools away. "Remind me to tell you about the time Kirk avoided me for  _three weeks_ and I had to go give him boosters in the lunch hall."

I laughed quietly.

He gave me a look and said, "There it is. First laugh on the Enterprise."

Blood rushed to my face as I smiled to myself.

"I loaded some more medical journals on the PADD over there. Thought you might wanna go through them, since you finished the others."

I wanted to pose the question of how he had known I finished them, but decided against it. "I will, thank you."

We were beginning to get along.


	4. Chapter 4

As time went on, the doctor was more patient that I was expecting. Three days had passed, and I was still trapped in sickbay.

"You hungry?"

I bit my lip, knotting the quilt in my weak fingers. He had changed my medication again. Lighter and lighter, every day. Soon I'd be finished with it for good, but today, I could still feel it. Over the past few days, I had been making the transition from nutrients in my IV to actual solids. It was hard, after being malnourished for so long, to go back to real, physical  _food_.

Echo had given me bread, and the occasional bad vegetables from the crops. Never what his family actually  _ate_.

"Come on, Eden, you have to eat."

My eyes flicked up. I nodded, barely.

"What do you want?" he stepped over to the side of the bed. "Soup?"

Again, I nodded. I moved my head a fraction of an inch. The truth was I was starving, but I would never admit it to him.

Slaves had not been allowed to ask for food; the idea that I could do so was still foreign.

A blonde nurse stepped over and asked in a mousey voice if he wanted her to go prepare it.

He declined.

Over the past few days, I was curious as to why he had been present so often. He wasn't really doing anything that had to do with me—he would just sit and write at the desk in the corner of the room, even though I was sure he had an office somewhere on the deck. Sometimes he'd ask me a question. More often that not, though, he'd be quiet, typing information into the computer and I'd be reading more medical texts.

Surely he had other patients to treat?

He returned, holding a tray with a bowl of steaming broth set on top. "Here," he said, moving to place it in my lap before I grasped it from him instead. "Thank you," I said quietly, setting it down.

He moved back to his desk, and kept working before he looked up at me. I hadn't touched it yet.

"Go on," he said.

I wasn't looking at him.

"Eden, I don't want to pump it into your IV again.  _Eat_."

"I have permission to start?"

He rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Nothing would make me happier, now, go on." He mumbled something under his breath and went back to his work.

I wondered silently if I was bothering him. He was so  _strange_. But I didn't dare ask.

I wanted him to be happy with me, not because I cared particularly about his wellbeing—I just didn't want him angry.

I shook the thoughts off and started eating. Slowly, I brought the spoon to my lips, enjoying the warmth of the liquid and the slight tang of salt.

"I'm glad you're a morning person," he said, sipping his coffee. "You're not bad company."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Mccoy. It's Mccoy," he sighed.

His easygoing manner caught me off-guard. He hadn't even looked up from his desk as he said the words.

I nodded, responding, "I'm sorry—thank you,  _Mccoy_."

"Don't apologize."

Again, off-handedly.

As I ate, I pulled the PADD to my side and started to read about the basic chemical makeup of blood in different species. I had forgotten how much I loved anatomy and physiology. It was so… _interesting_.

Every so often, I'd get confused, and ask the doctor a question about the subject, and he was more than happy to answer anything I wasn't sure on.

I was thriving here.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was still reading when I heard the doors to the room slide open. I assumed it was the nurse coming back to make sure I had settled into my new clothes. She had given me a loose purple shirt and comfortable black pants, saying that it would help me feel like I was actually getting better.

"I just came up to see how you were doing." I was surprised to see the captain, standing a safe distance away. "How do you feel?"

"Much better." I looked down at my hands, surprised at his quick entrance. "Thank you, Sir."

"You've gotta be tired of sitting around here all day."

I answered slowly. "It's nice, actually. I appreciate the quiet."

"Hmm, I see." His eyes gleamed and I knew he was up to something. "I was wondering, how you'd feel about getting out of here for a little while?"

"Out?"

"You know, see the ship? You want to?"

In all honesty, my answer was a wholehearted  _yes_. But I wasn't sure if it was alright, or if the doctor had approved me walking yet.

"I'm not sure if it's alright—"

"Oh, it's fine. I'm the captain, remember? Come on, don't you want to?" he smiled, and it was so exuberant and boyish that I had to stop myself from laughing with him.

He was so—so like Cameron. I felt at ease with him.

"There's a wheelchair you can use, you don't even have to walk."

I smiled, excited at the idea to explore the ship. I started slowly, "I'd love to look around if it doesn't bother you, Sir."

"Not bothering me at all, that's why I came."

I smiled and the captain returned it quickly. "So, are you ready?" he said, reaching for the wheelchair on the far end of the room.

"Sir…surely  _you_ aren't giving me the tour, I couldn't possibly—"

"Of course I'm giving you the tour. Who else knows the ship like me?"

"Don't you have business to attend to?"

He smiled slyly. "At the moment," he set the wheelchair right beside my bed and smirked, "you  _are_  my business, Eden. Now, come on."

It made me nervous sometimes how he looked at me, but I decided that he was harmless. He was the captain, after all.

I lifted myself up slowly, trying not to tear the bandages across my abdomen that had been placed to keep my ribs set in the final stages of healing. My feet barely scraped the floor when he reached to place me in the wheelchair.

I shut my eyes quickly and froze. "Please don't."

He let go immediately.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want you to fall."

"It's fine. Really."

I made it into the wheelchair slowly, and finally, we were off. My first time out of sickbay, and I was ready to see the grand ship that I had been hearing about so much.

"Anywhere you want to see in particular?" he said, keeping pace next to me as I drove down the narrow hallway.

"All of it."

He laughed at my excitement, and as he showed me around decks six and seven, my mind was reeling with all the technology that existed on this ship. I asked him questions constantly, and he responded with patient answers in kind. Every so often I spied him looking at me out of the corner of my eye, but I told myself that it must simply be that he was checking to make sure I didn't look ill.

"Do you want to see where you'll stay once you're well?"

"I'm staying here?"

"Of course," he said, keeping pace beside me. "You're with us, now, until you're placed somewhere."

I nodded, feeling happy that I had a place to stay, and he led me up to deck nine.

We stopped in front of room 9443.

My heart almost stopped.

I had a place to call my own, even if for just a little while. Finally.

The doors slid open in front of me and I was met with a room that had purple walls, a bed that could fit three of me, a dresser and a mirror. "It's perfect. Like nothing I've ever seen before."

"I'm glad you like it."

I sighed and looked around once more. "It's like something out of a dream. Honestly—"

And then it happened.

And I felt like I couldn't breathe.

A blue light started flashing from underneath my jaw, just below my ear, and a high pitched noise filled the room. My eyes widened. "Get the Doctor," I said quickly. "Hurry, hurry, please hurry."

He didn't know what to do at first, it all happened so fast. He looked at me and then at his communicator. "Bones, get down to 9443 as fast as you can," he yelled over the loud noise.

"I can't just—"

"It's an emergency, run, dammit!" He slammed his communicator closed and knelt down to my level. I was shaking again. They were coming for me.

He grabbed my hands but I pulled away just as quickly. "What is it?"

I shook my head as tears began appearing. "Don't let them take me, don't let them."

"Don't let who?"

I couldn't seem to get any air in my lungs. "I can't breathe." I gripped the handles on my wheelchair. "I can't breathe."

The beeping wouldn't stop, and the light looked ghostly reflecting off his face. "You've got to calm down, you're going to hurt yourself."

"I can't, help me, help me, help me!"

Without warning, he pulled me up off the wheel chair. I screamed and writhed, but just as soon, he laid me down in the bed. "Calm down, Eden, it's going to be alright. Bones is almost here."

I laid crumpled on the bed, wheezing. The noise rang in my ears.

The doors slid open, but it wasn't the doctor; it was Spock, who moved quickly and with purpose.

"Help me, please, please, help me!" I reached out to Spock who moved to look at the device in my neck. "Don't let them take me back," I sobbed.

He stood at the edge of the bed, looking down at me. "They will not take you back. They do not have the authorization. You must calm yourself."

I coughed as he spoke, feeling the dull pain in my side. I nodded, but my teeth still chattered as we waited for the doctor and the scanner kept ringing.

The doors slipped open.

"What the hell is that thing?" he said, opening the medical kit. "And how do you turn it off?"

It was cold, so cold. My teeth were chattering and I couldn't feel my feet.

"It's a tracking device," Spock said evenly. "Her previous owners are trying to locate her, and currently already have her exact longitude and latitude to put into their systems."

My bottom lip was raw from chewing it. I couldn't go back. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

"They can't actually take her back now?" the captain asked.

As the doctor pulled his scanner out of the bag, Spock answered, "No, they cannot, but that does not mean they will not try."

He ran it over my neck and I tried to breathe. My fear felt like it was swallowing me. "Goddammit, this is what I didn't want to happen. Why the hell did you take her out of sickbay, Jim? I didn't want her heart rate up!"

"You think I knew this was gonna happen?"

McCoy huffed and looked back at me. "Just calm down, it's gonna be alright. I need your blood pressure to go down."

I nodded and closed my eyes, but every time I did, I saw myself being dragged onto Echo's ship. "I can't—help me, please, don't let them take me."

"No one's taking you anywhere," Kirk assured me.

"I can't breathe, I'm so scared, help me," I yelled over the noise before a fit of coughs overtook me.

Fingertips were pressed to my temple suddenly, and I felt Spock in my mind.

Peace and order flooded in from the connection, and I could breathe again.

I saw the panic overtake his mind and his face changed, but only for a moment.

He pushed peace and unity and logic toward me—and I took it. I began to breathe slower, and my tears dried themselves. I sniffed as the only noise in the room was gone as he released his touch.

"It's gone," I whispered.

Spock nodded. "They found what they wanted. But they will not get what they are coming for."


	5. Chapter 5

We walked back in silence, the three of them leading the way and myself following behind in the wheelchair at a distance.

I didn't speak as the Captain and Spock were ushered away on official business.

I didn't speak as I got back into bed, pulling the blankets up over my shoulders.

I didn't even  _think_. I was just—frozen.

"He's not taking you back. You know that, don't you?"

Mccoy's voice filtered across the room from his desk and I realized I hadn't even noticed he was there.

My body tensed. I folded in on myself.

"Eden?"

When I opened my eyes, I saw the doctor standing next to me, and I wondered how long and when I'd fallen asleep.

"Listen, wake up for a minute," he said.

Opening my eyes fully, I involuntarily moved away from him by a fraction of an inch.

"I'm gonna take the tracking device out of your neck. You'll be asleep the whole time, but I need to give you an injection to put you out."

I spied the needle he held in his hands, sharp and dangerous and quick.

As he reached for my arm, however, I pulled it into my chest tighter. My brow creased. "Don't—don't do that."

He looked indignant for a moment. "Why?"

"Because hypos render a person completely unconscious for certain amounts of time, and I can't be unconscious." I spouted off the definition from one of the medical texts, quickly but nervously.

"Mind telling me  _why_?" he said. If there was any doubt he was annoyed before, he certainly was now.

At that moment, I recognized my wrong move and stopped. I finished quietly, "Because...you're here, Sir."

He sighed, stepping back, giving me space to breathe. "You know I'm just gonna take out the tracking device and let you sleep the rest of the drug off. That's it."

My breathing picked up slightly. I wasn't done fighting, but I knew I shouldn't have said anything at all. "Yes Sir," I said. It was like a war in my mind, trying to choose whether to fight for what I wanted or to submit.

I know what I would have done with Echo.

Why then, would it  _ever_ be alright to fight with the doctor? He was just as much a master to me as Echo was. I was getting too comfortable.

I gripped the sheets tightly as I murmured, "I'm sorry for my outburst."

His brow creased. "Outburst? That was far from an outburst."

I didn't say anything.

"I know it's not easy to trust me, but we can't just leave it. You don't want them tracking you, and neither do we."

I nodded.

My actions were simple and minimal.

"It won't take more than fifteen minutes. I'll give you a light dose, you'll be back up in a half hour."

Nodding, nodding, always nodding.

"Is that alright with you?" he asked, noticing that I had seemed to shut down.

"Yes Sir," I said. No opinion.

He looked troubled for a moment, but then moved the needle to my neck.

Everything went dark.

* * *

"Eden?" the Captain said, walking towards me.

I sat up in bed, setting the PADD down next to me. Absentmindedly, I ran my fingers along the small bumps on my neck that were the aftermath of my semi-surgery the day before.

I found quickly that the doctor had stayed true to his word.

"I need to talk to you about something."

Something was wrong; I could sense it almost immediately. Something about his eyes or his walk, or the way his boyish charm from previous days was missing. He grabbed the chair from the doctor's desk and rolled it to the side of my bed.

My heart seemed to find its way into my throat.

I knew it was bad news.

"I need you to listen very carefully to what I'm about to say."

I nodded. Eyes wide, waiting.

"There's no need to panic, because you're completely safe, alright?"

I felt like I was going to panic if he didn't tell me  _now_.

"Last night, around 03:00, Echo hailed us."

I froze. My breath stuck in my lungs. It was suddenly hot in the room, and my head felt lighter than air.

When he spoke again, he seemed further away than he really was. "He can't take you back, Eden. We're with Starfleet. He has zero rights."

Biting my tongue, I tried my best to keep from falling apart completely in his presence.

"But, we took him into custody for illegal trafficking in Federation territory. He's on board. Deck two."

My stomach dropped. "Why?" I said, quietly shocked. "Why didn't you just kill him?"

He sighed, and I watched his official stance fade away quickly. "I wish I could've. But we have to give him a fair trial."

"He doesn't deserve fair."

"I know." He moved to hold my hand but I pulled away. "I know how you feel."

I shook my head. "Don't."

"It's impossible for him to—"

I felt tears welling up and I didn't want him, or anyone, to see them. "Please, just go."

Another voice joined us. "Jim, let me handle this."

The captain looked at me before shifting his focus back to Mccoy. He nodded, getting up. "Fine." He looked back once more before he left. "I'm sorry, Eden. I am."

I didn't look at him.

Panic fluttered inside me, replacing my previous anger. My stare should've been able to burn a hole in the sheets.

"You're mad, huh?" The doctor had placed himself into the seat Kirk had been using previously.

I nodded.

"Why?"

I bit my lip, deciding not to say anything. I couldn't be indignant; not again. Not after yesterday. So I shrugged.

"Eden, listen," he said, looking me squarely in the eye, teeth gritted. "I want you to tell me  _exactly_ how you feel. To hell with your crazy formalities. Tell me what you think."

I was taken aback at how candidly he spoke, but I took him up on his offer. "You people," I started off slowly, gaining momentum as I went on, "you put me on a ship, and tell me I'm safe, which was wonderful. And then you bring my  _worst nightmare_ and you make him my neighbor? Why would you do that?"

He nodded, not disturbed in the least by my anger. "We told you we'd protect you, give you a safe place, and then he waltzes right into that same safe spot. And you're mad."

I nodded.

Leaning closer, he talked low. "But listen to me when I say this: this ship will  _burn_ before we let anything happen to you." He paused. "You're being moved to my quarters to sleep. You're stable enough to get out of here, but we don't want you alone in a room when there's a madman anywhere near here."

I still hadn't looked back up at him. "It's just—I appreciate your efforts, but—he's so  _close_ , Sir. I could be asleep, and he could be directly twenty decks below me. It's terrifying."

"Starfleet can do more to punish him than we ever could, rest assured. That's why he's here."

I nodded, still completely unconvinced but not telling him that.

And then something clicked.

"I—I'm being moved—with you?"

"For the time being. So I can keep an eye on your condition and so you wouldn't be in a room alone. Spock's idea."

 _No_ , I thought ruefully to myself.  _It's because I'm finally well enough to do what he wants_.

I didn't say that, however. "Thank you for your courtesy, Sir." My old habits bit back my new feelings of safety, like gears in an old machine. Habits. "I'll do my best to keep you happy—"

His eyes changed. "No, no, no," he said pointedly. "That's not why you're staying. Forget that."

I looked down at my hands. He was lying, of course. "Yes, Sir."

"And don't call me, Sir!" he said, leaving the room.

I laid back down, folding into myself.

We would see how trustworthy he was.


	6. Chapter 6

Softly, I followed behind the doctor into his quarters. I was nervous, and trying to ground myself; my hands gripped my nightclothes much tighter than I needed to.

"So, this is it. It's not much, but it's something."

I entered a room that was cleaner than clean. Blue carpet and seemingly random but careful artwork scattered on the red walls. In the center of the room was his bed, next to it a neat end table, and finally a desk with a small lamp hidden in an alcove on the side of the room. A small cot was set up a few feet away from his bed, with two crisp, white pillows sitting at the top.

In comparison, I felt like a tornado. Messy hair and dried sweat on my neck, scabbed knees, and a shirt so large it threatened to fall over my shoulder.

Standing in the doorway, I felt conspicuously out of place.

"Well, come on." He stepped over to me, took the clothes out of my hand and gestured towards another room connected to this one. "Why don't you go take a shower? You might feel better."

I nodded, looking down at the plush carpet, and followed him into the bathroom. The room was cold, the tiles uniform, the towels pressed. Everything in perfect order, just like him.

"I guess one of the nurses already taught you how to work the shower, right?"

"Yes sir."

My eyes were straight ahead. Like they should be.

He sighed.

"Let me know if you need anything."

And then he was gone.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, I found the doctor already changed into a loose brown shirt and black pants, and was hunched over the desk working on a medical chart of some kind. "I'm finished," I said quietly. I stood in front of the doorway to the bathroom—I didn't know where exactly to go.

He turned and looked over at me, eyes narrowing. "That was fast."

"I tried."

He looked confused for a half moment, but the look disappeared before he could reveal anything. "Have a seat, we need to a talk," he said, pointing lazily toward the cot.

This was it, then. This was the moment when I'd find out if he'd brought me here for the reason I suspected.

As I stepped over towards him, I sat down hesitantly. Both feet on the floor. Arms tucked into my stomach. Head down.

"Did I do something wrong?" My voice whispered, breaking the silence we were framed in.

Sighing, he took a seat on his bed, which was across from me. The bed groaned quietly under his weight. "Listen, you don't belong to me. You don't have to call me 'sir', okay? You're staying in my room to be  _safe_ from this maniac, not because you're mine. You understand that?"

"But I do belong to you. You found me."

"You don't!"

His eyes were burning into me when I flickered my gaze up, but I only bit my lip in response. "I'm sorry if I'm causing you trouble. And I'm sorry I'm invading your privacy."

He relaxed, sighing again. "Darlin', you're not invading my privacy, I don't mind you. I just don't want you paranoid all night, because I know you are right now." He paused, reflecting. "It's not bad to have another warm body in here anyway. It's been a long time."

He looked over at the single photograph that sat on his dresser. It was a photo of him holding a little girl in his arms, smiling broadly in a way that I had never seen. "Is that your daughter?" My voice drifted across the icy silence, like a soft breeze.

He nodded, grimacing.

"You miss her."

"Every damn minute of every damn day."

I sat up for a moment to look him in the face. "You're lonely. Aren't you."

He tore his focus from the photo and looked back at me squarely. He didn't answer for a moment.

He nodded slowly. "Sometimes."

I looked back down and willed myself to not be afraid of this man—this lonely man who only wanted someone else to stand with him for  _once_. To  _stay_.

But I knew that I couldn't do it. I was too afraid of him. Of everyone.

But I did know one thing I could give him.

"Sir—"

"Leo. I want to be called Leo."

The word tumbled over my tongue in a foreign way. "Leo. I was wondering if—if you wanted me to—I could read to you? I used to be hired sometimes to read to infants, to put them to sleep. Maybe it would help you not be lonely."

He smiled vaguely, not looking at me. "Reading. Hmm. Why not."

Getting up from his seat, the doctor grasped a thick volume of something from underneath his end table and handed it back to me.

"Great Expectations. Charles Dickens. You ever read it?"

I shook my head.

"One of Earth's great writers. Written a long, long time ago." He moved to the head of the bed and pushed himself under the sheets, head finding its way to the pillow before long. "It'd sound good with your voice."

I opened up the novel and scanned it. The words were beautiful, pristine, exact. I hadn't seen a real book in years, and this was like a gift.

"Chapter One."

He was watching me, one arm under his pillow, the other close to his chest. Brown eyes, waiting.

"My father's family name being Pirrip, and my Christian name Philip, my infant tongue could make of both names nothing longer or more explicit than Pip. So I called myself Pip, and came to be called Pip."

* * *

"Wake up, Eden, wake up. It's okay, it's not real, listen to me."

My eyes snapped open and Leo's lips were near my ear. His other hand was on my neck, taking my pulse.

I pushed away weakly but he pushed me back down into the mattress with a gentle force that was not to be reckoned with. The air in my lungs was forced and I felt pain in my chest.

"I can't breathe, I can't breathe," I gasped, grasping his arm. Grasping onto anything that would keep me  _here_. "I need to get up, let me get up, I have to get up."

Echo was here. He was coming, I  _knew_ he was coming. I could almost hear faint footsteps in my mind, and his voice teasing me.

A voice came from far away. "Listen, it's Leo, everything's gonna be okay." He left my pulse and grabbed me easily under the arms as if I was a rag doll, pulling me up to sit in his lap. Tears were streaming down my face as I gasped. His voice came from behind me into my ear and his hands rested on my arms, massaging them.

"I need you to breathe, honey, okay? Breathe in," I took a strangled breath in, shaking and shivering, "Breathe out."

I coughed out the exhale. "Don't leave, please help me." I was screaming now. Hysterics. "Make it stop, please, I don't like it. Don't let him, don't let him,"

He rubbed my arms more. "It's gonna be alright. Everything's okay. I'm right here, I'm not leaving." He pinched my right arm slightly. "See? You're still here. You're sitting with me. I'm a doctor, and nothing's gonna happen to you, okay darlin?"

"Leo—Leo—"

"It'll pass," I felt his chest against my back, and I leaned into him. "It'll pass soon." He led me in more breathing exercises that seemed to work, little by little. "Inhale and hold it...there you go, darlin'. Now let it out. Slowly." He stopped, and said, "You know how many people die of panic attacks every year, Eden?"

I gasped. "How—how—how many?"

"None." I was trying to breathe, trying to  _focus_ on what he was saying but it was hard. "Let's talk about something else, okay?"

I nodded furiously. Everything I did was intensified so I could feel it.

"You know, I was looking through my med journals, and I think you might want to read a book I found."

"Please, Leo—"

His voice was even, smooth, easy into my ear. "Shhhh, listen. It's about the behavioral patterns of children raised in different backgrounds and planets. Thought you might like it."

I nodded, still shivering. Trying to catch every detail and piece of his voice, just to give me something to hold on to.

"You know what? Maybe, if we go on shore leave soon, you could come to Georgia with me. Would you like that?"

I nodded. I was beginning to calm down. I could breathe again. The pain was subsiding. And Leo was being kinder and gentler than I'd ever seen him before. Light, lazy circles on my arms, soft whispers in my ear about Georgia sunrises and the smell of cornfields and how, if we went there, he'd take me to see the waterfall he had slept under frequently as a child.

I was almost calm as he finished talking about how the fireflies gathered by the water in his backyard, and if you were quick enough, you could catch them and keep them in a jar. My eyes were heavy.

"Thank you. I'm sorry—"

"Nope," he said, slipping out from behind me. "Don't apologize. You couldn't do anything to prevent that. I'm just glad it happened while you were here so I could help."

I looked down at my still trembling hands. "Thank you."

"If you need anything else, let me know."

I heard him shift back into his bed, and I tunneled back into mine.

And then I realized.

I hadn't been afraid of him.


	7. Chapter 7

The first thing I felt the next morning was the feeling of another thick blanket being draped on top of me. Hazily, I opened my eyes, finding Leo in my field of vision sleepily.

He spoke softly, "Go back to sleep, sorry I woke you."

His southern accent danced in my head dreamily as he pulled the blanket up to my chin in one last movement before he left as quietly as he could.

Just before I fell back into sleeping, I wondered how I had ever deserved this much kindness. And how very, very lucky I was to have it.

* * *

The morning passed slowly. I stayed in Mccoy's room, continuing _Great Expectations_  for as long as I could, but I couldn't deny to anyone that I was  _bored_. Tired of staying in one spot for the past week.

I set the book back down on his desk and stopped. Very hesitantly, I devised a plan. A plan that might not work, I admitted to myself, but I had to try.

I stepped out of his quarters after I had changed, and made my way to his workstation.

At that particular moment in time, he was huddled over a test tube, with various liquids sitting around him—precise measurements in every one. He looked older when he concentrated on things, the lines in his forehead and next to his eyes more pronounced. I wondered when the last time he laughed was.

"Can—can I ask you something?" I stared slowly.

"Morning," he hadn't looked up yet. "What do you need?"

"Do you need any help?"

That got his attention, as he looked up unsteadily. " _Help_? Devising a vaccine for Western Pnemonia on Troxi II?"

"No, no, of course not—" I was losing my nerve the longer I went on, "—I just meant, easy things. You know, folding sheets, cleaning surfaces. Nothing important, of course, Si—I mean, Leo." I fiddled with my hands, unsure of his answer. I didn't think he'd get mad. After all, I was asking to  _help_.

He smiled halfheartedly as I stumbled over his name. Smoothing down his shirt, he answered, "I don't see how it could hurt anything...go talk to Chapel, she'll give you supplies."

"Thank you." A smile found its way to my own face. "Thank you so much."

And I meant it.

Maybe I would finally have a purpose.

* * *

"Chapel" was a sensible nurse who I remembered as the girl with the mousey voice who sometimes took care of me in medbay when I was in recovery. When I arrived to ask her about the supplies, she shot a stern look at me.

"He wanted you to do  _what_?"

I explained it again, getting increasingly nervous. Maybe I had misunderstood. Maybe it had been a joke.

"Huh." She looked at her PADD, entering a few things, then looked back at me. "Come back tomorrow, I'll set out a list and some supplies for you."

I nodded, turning away to leave in a hurry from her workstation.

"Wait."

I stopped.

"...How's it been, in his room?"

My shoulders tensed, and I felt my chest tighten. Slowly, I faced her. "Fine, thank you."

A smug look crossed her features as she crossed her arms and cocked her head to the side. "Sounded busy last night while I was on my nightshift."

I didn't meet her eyes. "I have to go," I said quickly, my eyebrows knotting together, and leaving.

And just before I left, I looked back; she stood, pleased with herself.

* * *

I wandered around the ship until I managed to find the ship's library on the 11th deck that Kirk had shown me on the day of our tour. It felt like days and days ago, even though it hadn't been very long at all.

The walls were lines with books, and though it wasn't a large library, it was enough to send shivers through me. So much knowledge. And it was  _here_. Open for me to touch and explore and tangibly  _feel_ without anyone who would want to catch or punish me for getting to it. I looked forward to the chance of forgetting what had happened with Chapel and focusing on things that really mattered.

I shuffled over to the medical section, grasped one of the thick volumes, and sat on the couch that was huddled away in the corner of the library.

As time went on, I got lost in it, trying to remember all the details of the circulatory system and treating shock patients and what to do if someone came to you with a second degree burn.

I tried to immerse myself in the subject, now that I would be in medbay. Even if it was just cleaning work, I felt like it would be right to be well-rounded.

"Thought you might be in here."

I looked up, finding Mccoy standing in front of me, and I snapped the book shut. "You—you scared me."

"Sorry," he leaned against one of the shelves, arms crossed. "I heard about what happened with Chapel."

"—How—"

He waved my comment away. "One of the other nurses heard it, she told me." He looked me squarely in the eye, face stern. "Don't let her bother you. She's always been like this...you know, she gets bored sometimes. Tries to stir up trouble."

I nodded. "Yes Sir."

"Leo."

"Leo, Leo—right, I'm so sorry—"

"Don't apologize," he said, standing up straight again. "You hungry?"

* * *

I followed him into the lunch hall closely, trying not to draw any attention to myself. It was the first time in a  _long_ time that I had been around so many people; crewmen who were hustling and moving around each other to find tables and get food from the replicators.

A few people greeted the doctor, and asked my name, but no one really lingered long enough to make me really feel uncomfortable. It was just so—crowded.

"Lot of people, huh?" I jumped at the voice behind me, finding that it was Kirk who smiled down at me. "Hall's always busy at lunch hour. At dinner people mostly make food in their own rooms."

I nodded, trying to focus on breathing. Looking and acting normal was the utmost priority. I tried to make light conversation to the best of my ability. "Did, um, did you have a nice morning?"

He nodded. "Pretty slow for the most part. You?"

I couldn't quite get myself to meet his curious eyes, but I managed to reply back smoothly, "I found the library again. And one of the nurses in the medbay gave me a cleaning job to do."

"What were you reading, by the way?" Leo asked, turning around finally as we all waited in line.

"Comer's Full Medical Anthology, 2nd Edition."

Looking thoughtful, he replied, "Big book, Comer's. Maybe we can get you a permit for a medical shadowing. You know, show you the ropes a little, if medicine's what you like."

I smiled honestly for the first time in the lunch hall. "Really?"

Kirk finished for him with a glint in his eye. "Yeah, I think it'd be good for you. You'd be a great nurse someday. Maybe give Bones here a run for his money in the old medbay." He punched Leo playfully in the arm and I watched as Mccoy just rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the confidence, Jim. Let's just not forget who patched you up after all those bar fights at the academy."

As they bantered on, I thought to myself how nice this was. How I felt like a real person, included in a conversation for the first time. How they really cared about what I had to say.

I felt almost...normal.


	8. Chapter 8

The next few days passed slowly. We were on a steady path back to Earth for Echo's court date with Starfleet, but it didn't seem to me like we were going fast  _enough_.

I didn't like Echo being on the ship. Not at all.

However, I had things to distract me now, which helped more than I thought they would. Chapel didn't bother me again after she gave me the list of duties in the medbay, and I cherished my time folding sheets and cleaning the floors. I liked to have a  _purpose_ , even if no one really noticed me.

I didn't usually run into the doctor during the day, unless I was to seek him out for a purpose. He kept busy with patients and paperwork, but I would always see him just before I fell asleep in his room, always just about to nod off while reading before he entered. He would always stumble in late at night, exhausted and hungry, but I learned quickly what his habits were. I tried to leave him a tray of something before I went to sleep, just to be helpful.

He made it very clear that I didn't have to do this; that he didn't _own me_  and that I should do whatever I damn well please with my own life.

I said I was just trying to be nice.

I really only wanted to repay him for all the kindness he offered me.

My panic episodes hadn't come back since the first night, and I felt safe with the doctor's constant breathing from the other side of the room. I was beginning to feel a sense of safety every time he was around. Obviously, doubts still poisoned my mind if he moved too fast towards me or got too close when I wasn't expecting it. But he was alright, and learning quickly what I could handle and what I could not. I was beginning to like him.

After a few days, I stopped worrying about Echo completely. He was far away, and couldn't possibly hurt me, as the doctor had always insisted. I wouldn't even know he had ever been on the ship.

Until one day, when I was forced to notice.

* * *

The library was cool. I pulled my sweater over my head and huddled in the material as I continued pounding away at  _Study of Vulcan Anatomy_. It had become a habit of mine to spend my time after working at the medbay here, in the library, trying to learn more about medicine and healing techniques. Leo had offered me PADDs, but I declined politely. There was something about the old, paper books. Something—rich, and archaic, and wise.

"Afternoon, Eden."

I looked up to find Leo and Kirk walking towards me, and I grinned at their unexpected appearances. "Hello," I said, shutting the book I was working on. "How are you both?" My smile faded fast as I saw the uncomfortable look they exchanged.

Leo took a seat next to me while Kirk grabbed a chair from the opposite end of the room. Once he was settled, the captain explained, "Look, what Starfleet wants isn't my idea, alright?"

My stomach dropped. They wanted me to go back with him. Just when I was starting to feel secure—they were sending me back. I waited for more explanation, shaking my head the whole time. "Don't—don't—don't send me back, please—"

"No," Leo interjected, just barely touching my arm through the thick sweater. "It's nothing like that."

Kirk continued awkwardly. "Starfleet can't accept the case until you positively identify Echo as the man who was abusing you."

"Don't you believe me?" I offered desperately.

"You don't know who we have down there. Could be anybody. You have to confirm we have the right guy before they sentence him to anything in court."

My mouth felt dry as I tried to process the information they gave me. "I can't see him, he'll be awful—"

Leo interrupted smoothly. "He won't be allowed to talk to you. You just have to walk in, say it's him, and leave. That's all." The look in his eye was the same as when he had first met me, as if he was approaching a hurt animal. Cautious. Calm. Quiet.

I licked my lips as I avoided eye contact with them. "When?"

"Tomorrow morning," Kirk said.

* * *

"No, no,  _no!_ " I shouted, kicking off the sheets, and knowing that I was having another attack. I thought I was finished with these; I had been doing so well before now. "Please, no— _stop,_ please!" I could feel myself being taken under, but I couldn't move my arms or legs. It was like my mind had woken up before my body.

Suddenly, Echo's hideous face flashed directly in front of mine.

" _Get away, no! No!_ "

I felt hands on my face, fingers gripping tightly.

"Eden, listen to me, wake up!"

I heard a voice far away. I was trying to swim to it, but the current felt too strong. Too many waves of fear in too many directions.

"Eden, it's just a dream, I need you to wake up."

My body snapped to attention all at once and I opened my eyes. It hadn't been Echo's face in front of me.

It was Leo's.

"He's here," I gasped, "He's so close, he's going to take me." Reaching up towards him, I wrapped my arms around his chest, hiding my head in his neck. Like I had done with Cameron all those years ago. It was habit, mostly. A gesture I reserved for only people that I trusted.

I hadn't realized that I trusted him so much, until that moment.

The smell of coffee and clean soap radiated off him. He was taking those steady breaths that always made me feel calm if I woke up during the night.

"Hey, hey, listen to me," he spoke slowly, holding my shaking frame around the small of my back. "He  _can't_ get to you. His doors are locked, surrounded by security, and eight decks below us. Even if he could get out, he doesn't know where you are. And even if he could know, our door is locked. And even if it wasn't—I'm right here. And I could take that old man out any day."

I grabbed onto him tighter. "Don't let him take me."

"I won't, darlin'. It's alright. No one's taking you anywhere."

He smoothed down my hair and kissed my forehead gently. As I kept crying, the droplets kept finding their way onto his shirt, no matter how much I tried to wipe them away.

"This isn't like a normal attack, Leo," I whispered, defeated. "This one's real. He's really here. I have to see him tomorrow."

"Well then we can't treat it like a normal attack."

I didn't know what he meant, but I sniffed and hugged him closer. "It's just—you said—you said I wouldn't have to—t—to—"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," he held me closer, and I knew he flinched at my words. "I didn't know. You shouldn't  _have_ to do this." He paused for a moment, thinking over his next words. "You know I'm going with you, right? I wouldn't let you go in with him alone. I'll be there the whole time. It won't even take long."

I nodded, feeling slightly better. He wouldn't let anything happen, would he?

Slowly, he grasped my arms and unhooked them from around him. He scooped up my legs with one arm and placed his other under my back.

"What are you—" And then I stopped.

He was taking me to his bed.

No, no, no.

I thought I could trust him.

My eyes widened and I started squirming like mad. "No, no—stop—don't, please, please don't—"

He almost dropped me, not expecting that reaction. "Calm down," he said harshly. "I'm not trying to attack you, my god."

He set me down gently. I rubbed at my nose. "Then why did you move me?"

"Because," he pulled himself close and got me to lay down next to him. "I'm not treating this like a normal attack."

He moved to snake a protective arm around my shoulders but stopped before he set it down. "May I?"

I nodded, gingerly placing my head in the curve of his neck as he set his hand down.

"I'm sorry," I said so quietly, I wondered if he could hear it.

I moved my legs around the cool sheets, waiting for a response.

"It's alright, darlin'. It's alright. Nobody's gonna hurt you."

The panic in my stomach faded.

I trusted him more than I thought.


	9. Chapter 9

Sleep swirled around me, weaving in and out of reality, waiting to pull me back into its grip. But I wasn't going back to sleep—not yet.

I heard a voice speaking quietly from near the bathroom, and I listened without opening my eyes.

"Listen to me, you can't send her in there, I'm telling you—"

"We've already talked about this," came the reply from what I assumed to be a communicator. "I can't do anything about it."

"You have to understand, she's like a PTSD patient. You can't just send her back into the war!"

"Bones—"

"Show her a picture. Video. Anything."

"You know that's not how Starfleet works. We could've hacked the picture to show someone else, or given her the wrong man on the video screen. It has to be a positive,  _live_ identification."

As I felt my earlier sleepiness fall away, my stomach churned. There was no way I could go back now.

Leo sighed softly. "She's just a kid, Jim. She's nineteen. Only two years older than Chekov, and she's already been through a lifetime of abuse. You're not here to see her screaming in her sleep, or flinching every time I move too quick."

The captain didn't reply.

"It ain't right," he finished.

I noted quietly that when Leo was upset, his accent was thicker.

Silence filled the room for a while, and I thought that maybe the captain had just disconnected the call, but then he answered. "I'm sorry. I am. But this is the only way we can put him on trial. It's this or nothing. It's all I can do."

I screamed in my head,  _just kill him_ , but Leo didn't say that.

"Alright. Fine," he said, even though he did not sound  _fine_. "I'm going with her though, I hope you know that."

"Okay."

They finished the call, and then Leo walked back silently to lie next to me. He didn't touch me, probably for fear of waking me up.

Little did he know, I had to use all of my willpower at that moment not to break down again.

* * *

I sat on the edge of my cot, lacing up the boots that Uhura had given me. She had stopped by earlier, telling me that it would be fine, and that she and others from the crew would be in the lobby of the brig deck before and after the identification. Along with her kind words, she offered me a change of clothes and boots from earth.

I wished I could've thanked her more, but everything seemed to go by in a blur.

But then again, things would go by in a blur for anyone who discovered that they had to face their worst nightmare, who was  _supposed_  to be dead but is instead on the same ship they were rescued on.

These kinds of events would to that to anyone.

"Ready?"

Leo had taken the morning off from his shifts at medbay to go with me, and I was thankful for it beyond measure. He waited in the doorway expectantly, watching me finish lacing up the boots.

I nodded, biting my lip.

My breathing picked up as we left the room and started down the hallway towards the elevator. Palms, sweaty.

Staring at the elevator doors, I tried to pick out precise details about it; anything was better than remembering where I was going.

A warm hand brushed at my arm, pulling me out of my distraction.

"It's gonna be fine, alright? Don't let yourself get worked up over this. Nothing's gonna happen."

I nodded, trying to tell myself to  _listen_ to what he was saying, but his words kept fading away like smoke. The elevator came. We stepped in.

As I kept staring straight ahead, I felt my breathing patterns become erratic. I had read enough medical books by now to know that this was hyperventilation, and that I needed to calm down, but it was  _hard_  to listen to even myself.

I could hear Leo speak but couldn't tell what it was that he was saying.

"Eden."

He was in front of me before I noticed he had moved; hands on my shoulders, brown eyes staring.

"Breathe."

I felt my constricted lungs loosen, as I snapped out of my state before I had a full on attack.

I nodded to myself again. "I'm fine."

"You are. You're gonna be fine."

He rubbed my shoulders before I stepped away, drawing myself up. "I'm fine."

After he moved to push a button that resumed the elevator, we made it to the floor quickly.

The doors opened and I found most of the crew that I had met were already down there.

"Morning," Kirk said, bobbing his head in greeting. "I know Bones has probably already told you about what's gonna happen, but I'll just say it again because some Admiral from Starfleet told me I was supposed to."

I gave him a halfhearted smile and listened as he explained again that all I had to do was go in, say clearly that it was Echo, and then leave. That's all.

 _Seemed_  easy enough.

"Might as well go now, huh?" Leo said, turning to me.

I nodded.

The two of us began to walk down a narrow hallway, leaving the chatter of the rest of the crew behind. My boots made a heavy sound on the floor as the noise bounced off the ceiling.

"3A, this is it," he said as we finally arrived at a door that would lead us into an observation room of his cell.

I felt cold, but didn't stop moving. Couldn't lose my nerve now; not when I had it barely in my grasp.

I stepped into the bright room, and found Echo behind a thick wall of glass.

He looked unchanged, except for the fact that he was hunched over now, with scarring on various parts of his body—most likely from the crash.

I froze as he turned to look at me with his hungry gaze. My feet were plastered to the ground. I couldn't move or speak or  _think_ as he began to talk.

"The tables have turned," he said, standing up from his previous position. He moved towards the glass divider and out of habit, I flinched.

Leo stood behind me. "Eden, come on, just say it and we can leave."

I couldn't move. Couldn't think. Couldn't breathe.

"Cat's got the whore's tongue, hmmm?"

"Eden, just  _say it_." He sounded more desperate behind me.

But he couldn't make me say it.  _I_ couldn't make myself say it.

"You always were quiet," he moved around his cage like a predator, waiting to strike, "except when I came to visit. You had something to say then, didn't you...Eden?"

I shook my head, wanting to leave more than anything. I couldn't remember what I was supposed to say. Couldn't remember anything.

"Just say it's him, dammit!" Leo said, almost pleading with me.

Echo's focus shifted to Leo. "You're in a hurry to leave, aren't you, doctor? It seems like Eden doesn't want to leave just yet..." he moved to tilt his head. "Tell me, how do you like her so far? She is talented isn't she?"

And then something broke inside me. I knew what I had to say, but it wasn't an identification.

I walked forward until I was right next to the glass.

I did not yell.

Or scream.

Or pound my fists on the glass, although I desperately wanted to.

I whispered.

"I want you to listen to  _me_. If you interrupt me I will personally make sure that the rest of your time on this ship is torture,  _do you understand me_?"

He cocked an eyebrow, interested.

I spoke slowly, emphasizing each and every word. "You made me like I am. Afraid of people who don't have the slightest idea why I hate them. You made me feel like I was  _less than human_. But I've got news.  _I_ have the last word now _._ And I don't care if you scream, or cry, or beg for mercy, because you're on your way to die." I banged a quick fist against the glass and he flinched. Fire was in my eyes. "Rot. In. Hell."

I turned around smoothly to face a shocked Leo. "This is Echo Vericon. This is the man."

And just before I exited the room, I looked back at Echo's face. He looked just as horrified as I had so long ago.

"Have a nice death."

I stepped away on my own, leaving Leo to run behind me and lock the doors.

"Eden—Eden, wait—"

But I didn't slow down. I kept walking until he caught up to me.

"What the hell happened in there?"

My mind's gears shifted back to their natural state. It was like a different person had just exited my body.

I didn't look at him. "I don't want to talk about it," I said, moving past him to get back to the elevator.

He grabbed my arm.

Old Eden came back. It was as if I wasn't sure which one I was supposed to be: frightened Eden, safe, comfortable Eden, or the new one that I had only just discovered—the one that had confronted Echo.

They felt like disconnected puzzle pieces.

The one that I had been for the longest returned.

I shrank as he grabbed my arm, and I shut my eyes tightly. "Don't—don't make me go back in," I said quietly.

He realized his mistake and let go.

As soon as he did, I backed myself into a wall and slid down until I met the floor; I pulled my arms into my chest, and tried to make myself as small as I could be. I wasn't sure what was happening in my mind. I rocked back and forth, trying to process something, _anything_.

"No, you're not going back in there," he said to himself, kneeling in front of me. His eyes were kind and gentle as he surveyed my fragile state. "It's a brave thing you just did back there. Not a lot of people could've done that, you know." His voice was steady, like the waves on the shore, and I tried to focus on that instead of all the conflicting feelings I felt coursing through me.

"I don't know—what's wrong with me," I said, starting to break down. My hands were shaking. "I'm sorry,"

"Don't apologize, you've been through an extremely stressful situation, your body's trying to cope. Don't you remember reading about that in Comer's?"

I vaguely remembered reading something like that. Something about the adrenalin making your limbs shake.

"Is it alright if I scan you? I want to check your blood pressure," he said pulling out his tricorder very slowly, trying not to catch me off guard. "In the meantime, why don't you tell me about medical treatment for hypothermia patients."

He scanned me, and I tried my best to keep my voice steady as I could while I explained to him how to bring patients back to a non-frozen state. I knew he was trying to distract me, but it was working, so I went along with it.

I was almost finished when he checked the results. I was still breathing hard, but my mind felt like it had more clarity.

He pulled out his communicator. "Jim, get somebody to bring me water, alright?"

"Got it," was the quick response.

I tried to push my jaws down to stop the shaking through my body, but Leo interrupted me.

"Don't stress anything. Just let it happen. Let it go away in its own time."

I nodded, teeth chattering, hands shaking. Still sitting in the corner of an empty hallway.

As the sound of footsteps neared from the end of the hall, I flinched.

"Just somebody with water for you, darlin', it's alright."

It was, in fact, the captain, carrying two thermoses. "One's water and one's tea, Uhura thought something warm might be good."

Leo took the water filled cup and handed it to me. "Drink it slowly, alright?"

I nodded as he stood up to talk to Kirk.

They didn't say anything to each other at the beginning; they just shared the same look of shock.

Kirk spoke first, quietly, as though I wasn't sitting just below him. The only words I caught were "My god—we saw—that tape—"

The doctor nodded, finally signaling for him to stop talking about it.

Kirk knelt near me, looking at me warily. He held out the other container. "You want this now? I think it's Earl Grey or something like that," he said, trying to smile.

Questioningly, I looked up at Leo. He nodded.

I took the thermos, drinking it slowly and enjoying the warm, calming taste.

Neither of them spoke—or moved for that matter—while I slowly nursed the drink. My hands steadied. I could breathe normally. My mind had calmed itself.

"I'm alright," I said, after a while. "I'd like to go to the library, if I could, please."

"Of course," Kirk said, moving to help me up.

I shook my head. "I'm fine." I stood up, and all three of us made our way back to the lobby that held the elevator.

I had survived.


	10. Chapter 10

I spent the remainder of the day huddled away in a corner of the library, surrounded by books, and jotting down notes on things I wanted to remember.

Hours passed like minutes. I pushed everything out of my head except for the information in front of me. Words, facts, knowledge. These were the things I hid myself in.

"Hey."

My focus shot up, and I flinched before noticing that it was Kirk standing in front of me. I knew that he noticed, because his eyebrows knotted together for a half second, but just as quickly he switched back into his normal expression.

He stood against one of the shelves with his arms crossed. "How're you feeling?"

"Fine," I answered curtly.

He shrugged off my rude answer. "Are you hungry? You've been in here for almost eight hours."

I shut the book I was working on slowly. "What time  _is_  it...?"

"21:30."

I shook my head in disbelief and smiled to myself, feeling the daze now that I wasn't distracted. "I guess time just got away from me." Getting up, I set the book back on the shelf and looked back at Kirk. "Are you?"

"What?"

"Hungry."

"Oh, always," he grinned as we made our way back out into the hallway of the deck. "Why are you always studying medicine, by the way? Any particular reason?" he asked.

"Well, Captain—"

He shot me a gentle smile and I ducked my head. "Jim. Call me Jim, okay?"

"Okay,  _Jim_ ," the name sounded foreign on my tongue. "There's really not much to it, I just really like the idea of it. Helping people, getting them back to normal. I think it's a noble thing to do with your life and I'd love to be able to support others in that way."

He nodded as I spoke. "You want to be a doctor?"

"Actually, I'd rather study nursing. It deals with more caretaking than anything else, which is the area I think I'd do well in."

Once we made it to the elevator, he looked at me with interest. "Have you talked to Bones about this? He might be able to help you out, get you to a good school."

I shook my head and broke eye contact with him. "No, no—I don't want to bother him," I said quickly, pulling a piece of hair behind my ear.

"He wouldn't be too busy for that. I think he'd love to hear it."

I shrugged, still convinced that it would be too much of a burden. I didn't want to distract him from all the work he already had to do.

When we finally made it to the cafeteria, I stepped in, followed by Jim, into the crowded room.

Everyone  _stared_.

You could've heard a pin drop.

My stomach dropped. Everyone must've heard about what happened; or they had seen the tape. Either way, they  _knew_.

I backed up slowly, feeling choked all of the sudden, and backed straight into Kirk. I turned and saw the confusion written on his face, softly apologized, and left as fast as I could.

I walked quickly down the hallway, back to the elevator, but stopped as I heard Kirk's footsteps behind me.

"Eden," he started, but I cut him off.

"It's fine," I said, back towards him. He countered around me and I didn't look at him, I just kept trying to convince myself that it was _fine_ , that everyone was just shocked about the prior events of the day. It didn't feel fine, though.

"They're just interested to see you, that's all—the tape went around earlier today—"

"Yes, I know, they saw. It's a natural reaction and I understand," I said, brushing him off easily. I still couldn't look him in the eye. Not yet. I felt something well up in me, and I tried to keep it in, but it was hard to when I knew he was watching me. I bit my lip.

"What's bothering you," he asked, voice quieter.

My voice seemed to dissolve in my throat. Tears welled up in my eyes and I sniffed. "I'm sorry for causing so much trouble on your ship. It was never my intention."

"What are you talking about?" His eyes read confusion as his eyebrows knotted together. "You haven't done anything."

I flinched away from him as he tried to reach up for my arm. "I don't want to be like this, Sir. I don't  _want_  to be afraid of everyone, but I am. And that's such a burden for everyone here. You all go out of your way to be so  _careful_  and I don't deserve that. I'm getting in your way. This is a military ship, not a homeless facility."

"That's not true, and you know it. You're absolutely welcome here. But listen to me: we can help you, we can—"  
I shook my head vehemently. "Please don't try. Please don't put me through any more hell than I've already been through."

He sighed for a long time, the silence between us like glass. "I know how it is."

"You don't."

"I do, Eden." He looked at me and his eyes were dim. "When I was seven my mother remarried after my father was killed. By the time I was eight—my stepdad was beating us when she wasn't around. Look." He pulled up the sleeve of his worn mustard yellow shirt and revealed a long, vertical scar. "He threw he into a lamp. And it wasn't the first time."

Neither of us said anything. I looked away. The room was cold. I sniffed.

"I know what it is to be afraid, Eden. And you don't have to be."

I couldn't cry again. Not here. Not in front of him.

"Eden, look at me."

I did not.

"Come on, Eden, look at me."

I turned toward him, unsure. His eyes were honest and kind and _trustworthy_ for the first time.

"You don't have to be alone."

After a while, I convinced Jim that I wanted to be alone and made my way back to Leo's room to eat in silence. I took the elevator up, meeting no one along the way before I had to cross through medbay to get back.

The doctor was hunched over medical papers, jotting things down and looking frustrated. I watched him for a moment, reveling in these silent seconds where I could try to figure out who the  _real_ Leonard Mccoy was. I valued any time that I had where I wouldn't be alone with my thoughts, where I would have nothing to distract me.

Figuring out Leo was like a game.

For hours one morning, I had studied the old fashioned photograph of him and his daughter. He looked happy, young, and unburdened.

I hoped he would look that way again one day.

"Do you need something?"

He hadn't looked up at all, and I jumped as if something had shocked me. "No, Sir—Leo."

"You sure about that?"

I studied my hands and bit my cheek. "Do you—I mean, would you happen to have anything that needs to be done? Cleaned, or put in order or anything?" Anything to keep me distracted, away from being trapped in a dark room alone.

He looked up at me then, eyes narrowing. "You can, uh—sort these by number. It's mostly busy work, but it's something if you want it."

After he spoke, he gestured towards a stack of papers on his desk.

I nodded, pulling up a chair at the other end of the desk. One light was on above us. The medbay was seemingly empty today. Empty and silent, which felt worse than anything else.

I made myself busy at once, shuffling through and trying to find number _one_  to begin the pile. I focused on the color of the paper, how it felt in my fingers, how something so light could be torn apart to shreds as quickly as it had been created.

"How're you feeling?" he asked. I looked up and he was already searching me for an answer.

I stared at my dirty nails. "Fair." I paused, sifting through my thoughts. "I—I don't want to go to sleep."

"Why?" he asked, but his tone sounded like he already knew.

"Because I don't want to think."

He nodded, looking down on the work set in front of him. "Understandable."

We kept working, for what seemed like hours but was probably only one or two. Neither of us spoke. I had finished my work within twenty minutes, but still shuffled through, checking and rechecking. Thoughts spun drunkenly through my mind, making me feel almost dizzy.

Finally, he gathered up his things, and spoke quietly. "You done?"

I nodded, moving slowly behind him.

Dreading. Dreading. Dreading.

The hallway seemed endless as I padded along it, and I felt my head grow light.

"Lights, ninety percent."

I felt better, lights all the way up and Leo next to me.

"Why don't you go change," he said, handing my clothes to me.

I nodded, numb.

I changed quickly, not liking the feeling of emptiness and loneliness that filled me. The tile was cool under my feet.

When I emerged, he was sitting on his bed, reading something on a PADD.

"What are you reading?"

"Catcher in the Rye." He looked up at me, and patted the sheets next to him.

Pausing, I looked at him in question.

"Come on," he said, lifting an eyebrow.

I crawled across the sheets, huddling near him, but not touching him. "I don't want to be a bother."

"You're not a bother," he said with finality. "Go to sleep, I'm gonna read."

I did as he said, huddling down in the sheets, turning away from him. Even if it wouldn't fix everything, I was still thankful for this small gesture of kindness.

"Thank you," I said quietly, turning back to face him for a moment.

He glanced down. "Welcome. Let me know if you need anything."

I started to fall into sleep, a deep, dark, dreamless sleep—but just before, I felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

And I wondered why my body accepted Leonard Mccoy as safe, but no one else.


	11. Chapter 11

Days had passed after the Echo incident. We were slowly but surely making our way back to Earth, but in the meantime, life was quiet. I spent my time cleaning and reading, and had moved back to my own cot in Leo's room so I wouldn't bother him.

Kirk had begun to visit me more. I still didn't feel completely at ease with him, but he was nice—we talked about books and he taught me about astronomy in the observatory one afternoon.

But it wasn't until a week later when something interesting happened.

* * *

My vision was hazy when I woke up to the sound of motion in the room. I sat up sleepily, still huddled in blankets and warmth and body heat. "Leo?"

"Go back to sleep. I have to go treat a patient." His voice was scratchy and tired, and I wondered to myself how late it was.

"Can I help?"

The motion I was hearing stopped, suddenly. "You want to?"

"Yes." Even if I couldn't do much, maybe I could put my knowledge to work  _somehow_. Just to be able to help in the smallest of ways.

"Get dressed, and hurry," he said. I heard him slipping on shoes and I hurried off to the bathroom.

Before long, we were out in the hall, walking side by side towards the medbay. "Who is it?" I asked.

"Charlie Grainer. He's Lieutenant Grainer's son. He and his wife work both work on the ship, so he's kept in the nursery."

"He's a child?"

"A toddler," he turned a corner. "He's four. And he's got a shit pair of lungs." We entered, meeting Chapel, who gave me a strange look that I ignored. She was on night duty and left when Mccoy relieved her from her position with Charlie. "Thanks, Chapel," he called after her.

It was just the four of us then.

Charlie was a four year-old boy with messy blond hair and blue eyes. Between his wheezing, he was crying, and grasping onto his mother's uniform collar for dear life.

Leo stepped up, speaking to the mother. "Another attack?"

She nodded. "The inhaler isn't helping this time. We didn't know what to do."

Listening, he moved towards his desk. "Not feeling good, huh, Charlie?"

The boy shook his head, still grasping the fabric with weak fists.

"Hey, you're gonna feel a lot better soon, okay?" I said, stepping forward, trying to calm him.

A beep of the mother's communicator interrupted me. "Grainer, here."

"You're needed in engineering," the voice answered.

"It's 05:00 in the morning, and I'm with my son—"

"Grainer? You were due at 04:30."

She sighed, agitated, and responded in a formal tone. "Yes, Sir. Yes, I'll be right there." She put it away and looked at Charlie carefully. "Mommy will be back in a little bit, okay?"

He shook his head, coughing out a vehement  _no,_ but she managed to extract him. "I'll be right back," she kept saying, before she managed to leave.

Charlie was a coughing, shivering mess.

I walked up to him, reaching for his hand. "Can I sit with you?"

"I want my mommy." His blue eyes were sad as a tear ran off his face onto his shirt.

I lifted myself up onto the exam table and patted my lap. "I know. But do you want to sit with me until she gets back?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Leo smile as the boy scurried into my lap. A smile found its way to my face, too.

He coughed again, a thick, blocked noise. "I'm cold," he complained.

Rubbing his shoulders, I watched as Leo made his way to us with various tools.

He handed the boy a medical device. "Can you exhale for me?"

Charlie had obviously been through this before, taking the tool and doing as he said. He coughed in fits after he finished, and Leo watched the readings.

"Hmmm," he said, looking back up at him. "You know what this tells me?"

"What?" Charlie asked. He was obviously a little more than nervous.

"That Santa's gonna be extra good to you this year."

I laughed as Charlie looked up at me with stars in his eyes. "Did you hear that? Wow!" I said, ruffling his hair a little. "You must've been extra good this year."

"I was. Extra,  _extra_  good."

"I'll bet," Leo had emerged from behind his desk again, with a different inhaler. "This is just like your other inhaler, just with different solution inside, alright? Try it. Just like your other one."

He did, inhaling the liquid three solid times before stopping. He wasn't coughing when he removed it.

"Better?" Leo asked.

The child nodded, happy to be able to breathe.

"If you feel bad again, tell your mom to bring you back here, and we'll get you fixed up again, alright?" Leo said.

Charlie nodded before wrapped his arms around my waist. "You're nice. And pretty. Thanks for sitting with me."

I smiled broadly, hugging him back. "You're pretty handsome yourself."

"Does this mean you want to be my girlfriend?"

I looked over at Leo, who looked like he could hardly contain his laughter as he signaled for a nurse to come bring Charlie back to the nursery.

"Maybe when youget a little bit older, okay?"

He nodded, before a nurse came by to bring him back.

I waved goodbye to him before Leo spoke. "You're a real natural around kids, you know that?"

I looked down shyly. "Thanks. I took care of kids once for a family. Best owners I ever had."

The silence was tangible before he said anything else.

"Can I ask you something?"

I nodded and looked over at him.

"Who is Cameron?"

My heart stopped. There was no way in heaven that he could've known. Not a single way.

"How? How did you—"

"You talk about him in your sleep sometimes. Like you're desperate."

I scraped my nails along the inside of my palm. Bringing back memories of Cameron was painful and difficult, and usually made me sick.

"He was my neighbor. In Alabama."

Leo waited for more.

"He got taken the same day I did. We were—together, actually, on his back deck. He was twelve and I was nine. We kept each other sane in the holding rooms where they trained us...he was my best friend. He was the last person I trusted before I met you."

He looked disturbed at what I was saying, but kept asking questions. "Where is he?"

"Dead. Beaten to death for trying to get out. I was there."

As I kept talking, I felt my breath start to hitch, but I turned the memories off. I was talking about the story of just another person in history. No one important or special to me.

That was the only way I knew how to deal with it.

Leo nodded and didn't ask any more questions. "I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"It's alright. He's just another person who helped me along. That's all anyone is in this life anyway. Just people helping other people along."

He stepped over to where I was sitting on the exam table, until he was standing at eye level with me. "You're smarter than you let people believe," he said quietly.

"I'm sure I'm not."

"You are. You're a very different kind of person, in a good way. And don't let anybody tell you otherwise."

Leo was standing in front of me, so close I could see scars on his neck from his Georgia days and I could almost feel the warmth radiating off his skin. I felt something shift in my mind.

I grasped the sides of his face gently.

And then I kissed him.


	12. Chapter 12

To my surprise, he didn't pull away. In fact, his hands gripped my waist in a gentle pull, and I realized that maybe I had felt this way all along and simply hadn't understood it.

He was like no one I had ever kissed before. He wasn't needy, or hurrying, or sloppy; he was soft, slow, careful—which was funny, compared to his gruff disposition.

I pulled away first, searching his eyes for a reaction.

He kissed me again, and I felt a smile bubble up inside me. He was _happy_ , he was finally, finally happy and I had a part in it.

His communicator beeped to life, and he pulled away quickly, snapping both of us out of the daze. As he answered the call, I noticed his cheeks were red.

He took a deep breath and answered, "Yeah."

"Doctor, I'm sorry to wake you," the nurse from the other side called. "It's just, I'm having problems with the fifth strand of the virus from—"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll be right there." He snapped it shut and looked back at me regretfully. "We'll figure this out—later—in the meantime, just go back to bed. It's still 05:00, after all."

I smiled gently, nodding. "Good luck," I said, and left the medbay with pink cheeks and dizzying energy running through me. I wasn't quite sure  _what_ to think about the previous happenings of the morning, but I knew that I liked whatever it was.

And as I tucked myself back into my cot in his room, I wondered what would happen between us now.

* * *

"Hi," Jim said, jogging up to walk alongside me in the hallway on the way to the mess hall. "Glad I caught you."

"You always seem to catch me," I said, laughing.

A contented smile lit up his features as we moved into the room and queued up for the replicators together.

Since the day that the cafeteria had been silenced, no other events like it had happened; people were either ignoring what they had seen on the tape or were staying silent. I was grateful to them all for pretending that it never happened, even though I knew Echo was still below my very feet just a few decks below.

"Still working hard in the medbay, I guess?" he asked. "Seems like you've been doing a good job, from Bones' reports."

I felt flushed at the mention of the doctor, but swept it away as quickly as soon as it had appeared. "Yes, I'm enjoying myself there a lot. This morning I was able to help treat an Asthma patient. One of the children in the nursery."

"Was it Charlie?"

I nodded.

"I love that kid," he mused, crossing his arms. "Gonna be a real ladies man one day, that's for sure. I taught him everything he knows."

"That explains why he asked me to be his girlfriend at 05:00 this morning," I smiled.

A grin appeared on his face at my words. "See? Real smooth, that Charlie."

Once we had gotten food, I moved to find a table, but he tipped his head towards the door. "Let's go eat somewhere else. Where we can actually hear each other."

It felt a little strange, the idea of eating alone with Jim. It felt too intimate; as if we were closer than we actually were. But I ignored the thought. We were  _friends_ ; something I was very short on at the moment.

I followed him down the hallway, balancing a tray of pasta in my hands as we trekked towards a mysterious location.

He stopped in front of a door marked  _special access only_ and entered a complicated combination.

All the breath left my body when I was met with the contents of the room.

Plants, and flowers of all kinds; vines climbing up the walls, and large flood lamps drowning them all in bright light. Even when I stepped in, it felt different—the air was humid and soggy almost, like a garden just after the rain. It wasn't a large room by any means, but it was  _enough_. It was beautiful and breathtaking and wonderful.

I couldn't find any words to say what I felt as I searched the room.

"I'm getting the feeling that you like this," Kirk said, smirking.

"I've never seen anything like it. I can't even imagine how things like this could grow on a starship—"

"It's Sulu, actually," he said, setting his food down at a table in the corner of the room. "He has special permission to experiment with stuff like this. He grew everything in this room."

"He's very talented," I said, setting my tray down as well but still staring at everything in the room. It was just jarring to see real flowers again, in vibrant colors, aboard a Starship where everything was white, blue, or grey.

He swallowed a bite of food and finished, "I can give you the passcode if you want. We just don't want everyone in here all the time. Somebody might try to tamper with something, you know."

I nodded, understanding completely. If I grew things like this, I would never tell anyone. As greedy as the thought was, I knew it was true. It was too special. "I'd—like that. If I could."

"Course. Didn't show it to you for nothing."

The day passed quickly, and although Jim left the room after a while to report to his post, I stayed in the sanctuary for hours, examining and exploring each and every type of plant life in the room. Something about it was intoxicating for me; to be able to see and feel real plants and flowers, and study them was beyond interesting for me.

When I finally finished, I realized that it really had been hours. It was already Earth's equivalent of night by the time I left, because I simply eaten my leftovers from lunch when I began to get hungry. That way, I wouldn't have to leave.

As I made my way back to the deck that held the medbay, I wondered guiltily if Leo was concerned about where I was. I really hadn't told him where I was going, but I hadn't been assigned to medbay today anyway—I closed my eyes and told myself it was fine.

However, a different feeling entered my body as I moved closer and closer to Leo's room. Nerves. Anticipation.

I wasn't sure how everything was going to play out, now that things had changed, and I found myself ringing my hands together impatiently.

Entering softly, I searched around the room for him. It seemed that the room itself was empty, so I found a comfortable spot on my cot and picked up my PADD to continue reading on elderly health care.

"Uh—um—hi."

I looked up to find him standing just outside the bathroom door, holding a wet towel to his chest and his hair dripping water onto his shirt. He obviously hadn't heard me come in. "Hello."

The tension was awkward as he shook his head and hurried about, drying his hair and soon getting rid of the towel. I pretended to read but couldn't focus.

And just before I was about to give up altogether, I felt his weight shift on the cot next to me. His shoulder was touching mine.

He sighed. "We gonna talk about what happened this morning?"

"Are we?" I said quietly, biting my lip and looking down at my hands.

The air was still as he answered. "I'm not mad at you, Eden. Stop looking like that."

I looked up at him squarely.

He put a gentle hand under my chin and led me up towards him, meeting my lips gently. We kissed for a perfect moment, and then he let go, staring down at me, not saying anything.

I wondered what it was like in his silent world, and I wished that I could ask him. Instead, I traced my fingers along his arm.

"You're a good man," I said, almost to myself. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Best man I've ever met."

A ghost of a smile sat on his face, but he didn't say anything. The room was still and dark, and it felt like hours before either of us shifted.

Moving to kiss him again, I only caught his lips for an instant before he pulled away and muttered, "Nineteen."

"What?"

"You're nineteen years old. You can't do this to yourself."

I pulled away even further, worry creasing my brow. "Do what to myself?" I said, confused.

"I'm  _thirty-four_. You need somebody young, somebody who's not got a past behind them."

I shook my head, in a half-shock, half-confusion mix. "I have a past too, you know better than anyone—"

"No. No, you don't need me. Not with all my baggage. Go be with Jim, he's head over heels for you."

I sat stone still, trying to take it all in. "What are you saying," I said slowly. "That Jim has—claimed me somehow?"

He shook his head, gruff manner returning quickly. "No. I'm saying he'd be better for you, alright? I'm sorry I even thought about this," he sighed, fingers at his temples.

Gently, I grasped his face in my hands, essentially making him look at me. "I don't want Jim. I want you."

I kissed him, and he returned it, but he pulled away quickly as if he was trying to shake himself out of a trance. "No. No, we can't do this."

He moved to get up and I grasped his hand, the disappointment bubbling up inside me. "Leo—"

"Don't," he said, pulling his hand away from me.

I pulled a piece of hair behind my ear as I suddenly felt very cold. "Don't do this," I added quietly.

"I'm helping you in the long run. I am."

I got up from the cot, leaving without a second word. I wouldn't let him see me like this. No.

I moved quickly and with purpose down the hallway, getting directly onto the elevator and pressing deck seven.

Once the doors opened, I navigated easily towards the observatory, letting myself in and sighing in relief that it was empty at the moment.

I stopped just in front of the doors as they whizzed closed behind me.

As a tear dropped onto my shirt, I stared out of the window in excitement and worry.

In front of me, clear as day, was planet Earth.

I was finally home.


	13. Chapter 13

_The room was cramped as I looked around for a familiar face. Tall, dark walls and people who all held the same wordless expression were gathered around me; no one I knew._

_No one to help._

_The judge slammed a gavel down on his desk, gaining my attention along with everyone else's. He sat up a bit straighter._

" _The court has ruled that Echo Vericon is the sole owner and guardian of Eden Reyford. They will return to Alpha Taurus immediately following the dismissal of this trial."_

_My blood froze inside me, and I stood motionless until I felt a grip on my arm._

_Echo, behind me, ready to pull me away, back with him._

_And then he laughed, a horrifying noise that shook me down to my very core. That laugh, multiplied by twenty or thirty—the noise loud and lingering in my ears._

" _You're mine. You'll always be mine."_

I jerked awake, my body in a hot sweat as the cool sheets pooled around me. When I looked down at my hands, I noticed they were shaking.

I hadn't screamed this time, and immediately I raised a hand to my neck to check my pulse. Quick, but steady. No attack this time. I could breathe.

The sheets ruffled as I turned to look at Leo, who hadn't stirred from his sleep. I was happy about that—I didn't want his sympathy right now. Honestly, I wasn't even sure if he  _would_ help me, after everything that had happened earlier.

I didn't want to stay in the room, though. It felt tight and stifling.

So I stepped out of the bed softly, walked to the bathroom, and shut the door. I slid down the tile wall onto the ground, wrapping my arms around my legs, and feeling the frenzied heat of the dream slip away as the coolness of the floor stayed constant. It was better in here; there was light, and coolness, and I was alone.

I laid my head on my knees as I thought about what I had done earlier. It wasn't a mistake; I  _knew_  I was right in my thinking, and I wasn't sorry at all.

What I hadn't gotten was a positive response to a real, chosen, consensual relationship. It was something I wanted more than anything, and I knew Leo was the right person.

If only he knew that too.

But even though I hadn't changed my pattern of belief, I was still embarrassed about the situation. About how he had pushed me away. About how I had nearly groveled at his feet and begged.

It wasn't something I was proud of.

"Y'alright?"

The door opened to reveal a sleepy, messy-haired Leo, stumbling into the bathroom. His voice was groggy, but his eyes were concerned. "You been in here a long time."

I nodded, but made no move to get up.

"Nightmare?"

Nodding, again.

"Okay, we'll turn some lights on in the room," he extended a hand to me, and I wondered quickly if he was still sleepwalking, "come on back to bed, sweetheart."

I stopped. Eyes wide. Stuck.

Transported back, as if I was there.

Images of drunken whispers spat in my ear, and rough touches without warning, and raw wrists from rope burns scarred my mind.

That word.

That was what  _he_  called me. Never, 'Eden'.

No.

 _Sweetheart_.

I pulled myself in tightly, bracing myself for a blow that my mind thought was coming. My head shook no as I mumbled a string of quiet apologies.

"Eden, what's going on," he kneeled down in front of me, but he moved too quickly and without warning. I tensed my shoulders and bowed my head down even further.

"Please don't, please don't."

He kept moving, and I wished to god that he'd stop.

"Get away from me! Get away!" The scream echoed in the bathroom. I shuddered harshly.

He stayed quiet, looking regretful. "It's Leo, Eden."

I didn't look at him as I kept breathing hard.

"You know I'd never hit you. It's me."

I nodded slowly, releasing my guard by an inch. "Please—please don't call me that. Please."

"Sorry. I didn't—"

"You didn't know. I understand. Y—you couldn't." I felt shaken from the various events of the night. It seemed the later it got, the worse everything was becoming. I began to stand up, slowly. "I'm going back to sleep," I finished quietly, almost in a daze.

He only nodded and let me pass next to him out of the bathroom.

I pulled the sheets back, moving to get back into the cot, before he spoke.

"Eden, if you want to, you can..." He trailed off, gesturing towards the empty space in the bed next to him.

I thought about it only for a moment.

But I came to my senses, shook my head, and laid down in my own cot, strong in my own will. I didn't need him. I  _couldn't_ need him—he didn't want me.

I couldn't help but notice the look of disappointment that flashed across his features before he set the lights to 20% and drifted back to sleep.

* * *

"Attention Enterprise crew," a female voice rang out through the halls as I made my way to the medbay for my shift the next morning. "The ship has now landed in San Francisco, California, United States, Earth. We will be docking at Starfleet headquarters, please report to deck one for further instruction."

I was surprised to find crewmen stopping any activity they were working on immediately, to board elevators that led to the lower deck. They literally just—got up and left.

I almost felt a sense of guilt to know that we were stopping because of me. Because of the trial.

I got in line behind two nurses who talked excitedly about meeting men at the base, but I tried to ignore them.

Honestly, I just wanted to make it out of this trial a free person.

When I stepped into the elevator, however, a new thought burst into my mind. My stomach dropped.

Where would I go, now that I was here? After the trial?

I had nowhere to go.

Family was gone, Cameron was gone—and I certainly couldn't stay on the Enterprise.

Where, then?

The doors opened before I had time to dwell, and decided that I would deal with one problem at a time.

First, the trial. Then I'd worry about the other details.

Everyone seemed to be gathered around Kirk, who had his usual smug smile on his face. He leaned against a column near the center of the room, and I stood hidden within the throngs of people chattering quickly.

I felt awkward even looking at him, knowing that he liked me.

It felt wrong and strange and foreign.

"All right, all right, settle down everyone."

The talking ceased.

"As all of you know, our shore leave isn't scheduled for two months."

Nodding.

"However, Mr. Spock and I have made an executive decision. Since we're on Earth for some official business, after that business is through—everyone will be granted two weeks of shore leave."

Cheers raised from almost every corner of the room, and Kirk laughed, looking pleased with this reaction.

I had no reaction at all. Crew or no crew, I couldn't come back to the Enterprise.

"We should be through with all this business within three days. We'll let you know officially when you're permitted to leave. Thank you all for your time, now, report back to your posts unless I've instructed you otherwise."

People left in dozens and the excited energy was still evident as they left the room.

I moved to leave behind them, but a hand grasped my arm.

I flinched, pulling it into myself, head down.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

Uhura stood behind me, a patient smile on her face as usual. Spock was standing slightly behind her.

"Your presence is requested at this meeting of officials, Eden, if you will stay." Spock left the question slightly open, as if he didn't want me to feel I was forced to do so.

I appreciated it, nodding.

Kirk and Leo stood off to the side of the room, talking quietly, but we soon joined them. I wondered what this 'meeting' was really about.

"Eden, good to see you," Jim said, smiling over at me. "This meeting's kind of about you, so I'm glad you could make it."

I looked down shyly, finding it hard to look at him or Leo. Kirk didn't notice, or chose not to, as he kept speaking.

"Trial's tomorrow. You're basically only required to be there on the day of the verdict, unless other evidence is found. You might get called on the second day, but probably not." I nodded as he continued, now speaking more towards the group than just me. "We're going to be staying in the student dormitories for the next three days, in case any of us are called, we can go quickly. It'll be me and Bones in one, Spock and Uhura in another, and Eden in a single room." He looked at me. "That okay?"

I nodded, nervous about how it would feel to stay alone in a room for the first time.

"You have any questions?"

_Where will I go after this?_

_Can he take me back?_

_How do I learn how to become normal after this?_

"No," I lied.

Jim nodded, dismissing them all back to their quarters. We would leave for the dorms in a few hours.

Leo gave me a strange look for a moment, but I ignored it, staring down at the ground. I hadn't moved yet.

"Eden, a word?"

Looking up, I found Spock standing in front of me expectantly, and Uhura gone. My mouth was dry as I spoke. "Have I done something wrong?"

"No. However, as you most likely recall from your extensive studies of languages, Vulcans do not lie. As a species who chooses not to lie, we can very easily tell when others are."

I bit my lip, shamed. I fiddled with my hands uncomfortably as the room felt still.

"Please pose your questions about the upcoming trial to me."

I didn't meet his eyes, and it took me a moment to find the words to speak.

"I will not share these questions with the captain or the doctor, if that is distressing you."

Nodding, I licked my lips before beginning. "Can he take me back? Is it—a possibility?"

"No. Starfleet has strict laws against human trafficking. Justice will be preserved, and you are in no danger of returning with him, whatsoever."

Weight lifted off my chest, and I felt better, even if I wasn't totally without worry. "I have...one more question, if that's alright."

He raised an eyebrow in response.

"Where will I go after this? I can't stay on the Enterprise. And I have no family left."

For a few tense moments, he didn't speak; he seemed deep in thought. "Eden. To my knowledge, you have been shadowing Doctor Mccoy in the medbay. Correct?"

I nodded.

"And, you have extensive knowledge of medical treatments and languages of other races."

"Yes, Sir."

He looked me squarely in the eye. "I would suggest to you, in my own personal opinion, that you study medicine here, at Starfleet Academy. It would only be logical. And when your training is finished, you could return to work on a starship. Even the Enterprise, if you perform well enough."

"Starfleet would take me? I could live there?" My heart pounded. I wanted to study. I wanted to learn as much as I could. I wanted this more than I could remember wanting anything before.

He tipped his head in curiosity. "Naturally. You are one of the most accomplished youths I have ever met. Starfleet would be pleased to have you."

I simply nodded, too happy to say anything in response. "Thank you," I finished quietly.

"Eden," he looked down at me, serious. "Do not let your demons convince you of false truths. You are an important member of society and should treat yourself as such."

"I will try, Sir."

"Spock."

"Spock—yes. I will try."


	14. Chapter 14

When I stepped onto Earth for the first time in years, the first thing that hit me was the smell of the grass. How fresh and comforting and easy it was.

I stopped for a moment, tilting my face towards the sun, shutting my eyes and letting the sunbeams shower over me.

"Glad to be back, I'll bet," Leo said, motioning for me to follow him towards the dormitories. It still felt awkward between us, but I recognized that he was trying to be nice, so I tried to return the favor.

"I missed the sun. Our sun." The sun on Alpha Taurus had never been like this. It was never warm.

"Yeah," Leo answered as we reached a set of stairs and trotted up. "There's something about this California heat, isn't there?"

"Something about Earth's heat, yes."

The dormitories all had red doors, all neatly in rows, and the doors themselves were outside, which I liked. I could stand out on the balcony for as long as I wanted, since these were the second floor.

"214, I think this is yours," he said, swiping a card and giving it back to me. We stepped into a room that was small, but comfortable. It held two beds, two desks, a restroom, and closets. Not much else. Just—simple.

I liked it immediately.

Sheets were folded neatly on top of the bed I would be in, and I smiled, ready to have something of my own for a little while.

He shuffled awkwardly as I looked around, and finally spoke. "Well, Jim and I'll be right next door in 215...and Spock and Uhura in 216. So let us know if you need anything."

* * *

I spent the remainder of the day exploring Starfleet Academy. I loved the energy on the campus—everyone seemed so passionate about what they were studying. I watched as students rushed off to class, greeted each other with excitement, or walked lazily back to their dorms. It seemed like such a welcoming community.

I wanted to be accepted in a place like this.

After nearly getting lost a few times, I finally found the campus library. I grinned as I was greeted with three floors of books, the subjects ranging from battle tactics to cookbooks. I wandered around for a while, finally landing in the fiction section.

I grabbed  _Catcher in the Rye,_ a book I had spied Leo reading long ago, and found a seat in one of the larger areas.

I was seven chapters in when I was interrupted.

"Hey," Jim said quietly, sitting down on the couch next to where I was huddled. I looked up, surprised at his presence. "What are you reading?"

"How did you find me?"

"First of all, that doesn't actually answer my question...but it's kind of obvious that you'd be in here. I just had to look in every section before I happened to see you. And seriously, what is that? Tell me it's not another one of those boring medical journals Bones is probably burying you in."

I showed him the cover, and he smirked. "Catcher in the Rye...that's actually really good. It's old. But really good though."

"I think so."

I noticed suddenly that he was holding a book too and held it up for me.

"Gateway," I read off the cover. "I've never read it." I could feel the blush rising to my cheeks at his close proximity to me, but I tried to push it down.

"Never read— _what_?! But it's the most amazing piece of literature from this century!"

"Then I guess I'll have to read it then?"

He threw a sidelong glance at me. "Why yes, you will. Or, I could read it to you. Like you read to Bones."

I froze. Something about him knowing didn't feel right. It was like a sacred time for me, which was probably idiotic, but I felt so nonetheless. "Did he tell you about that?"

"Nope. Caught it on the tapes because you were reading in his office once, which is on the security cameras that I have to go through."

"Oh."

At least he hadn't caught me reading in his room.

"You have a nice voice, Eden."

I ducked my head, bashful. "Thank you, Captain."

"Jim."

"Jim, right," I nodded, still getting the hang of being casual with all these superior officers.

Neither of us spoke for a moment, just waiting for something to come up.

"Would you—would you like to, ah—" He faltered, and I narrowed my eyes. He never usually faltered on anything. He was the picture of calm, cool confidence, usually.

"…are you alright?"

"Would you like to go to dinner with me? Tomorrow night? I'm busy with Pike tonight, but tomorrow?"

"Why?" I held the book lightly in my hands feeling its texture absentmindedly as I spoke. This wasn't right. This wasn't supposed to be happening. I didn't want this.

I hadn't ever wanted this.

He laughed lightly, not able to see my discomfort with the situation. "Well, um—actually, I want to spend time with you. I think you're a really great girl."

Now a blush really did reach my cheeks, and I ran my hand over the cover of the book. I needed to do this. For myself. I needed to not be afraid anymore. And if Leo didn't want me, then Jim would be fine. I just needed to know what it felt like to  _choose_ to be with someone _._

So I responded with the only thing I could.

I ducked my head again. "Well, um—I guess so? I've never done this before."

"Well then, you picked the right guy to say yes to." He stood up from his seat confidently. "I'll see you tomorrow then? 20:00?"

I nodded, my blood starting to fizzle nervously already. Pulling a stray piece of hair behind my ear I replied, "Okay."

I felt regret stir through me almost immediately as he walked away, but I tried to brush it away. Leo didn't want me.

Jim did.

* * *

I strolled back to the dorm, humming to myself and carrying some books that I had checked out.

 _Date_.

The word felt uneasy. I hadn't been on one before, and in all honesty I was nervous; I just wanted to make a good impression.

I had to remind myself that this was just Jim. In the past few weeks, I really had come to like him as a person—he was nice, funny, and considerate.

I just didn't feel much toward him. He was just...Jim.

Once I let myself into the dorm, I set the books down on the bed and moved to tie an elastic around my hair to get it out of the way.

I stopped, hands still in my hair. Voices came from the room next to mine.

 _Loud_ voices.

"—the problem? Seriously, Bones?

"You can't just treat her like she's another easy girl you can take home for the night. Listen, she's fragile—"

They were talking about me. I listened harder, even stepping closer to the wall.

"I'm not the same kid I was when I went here. You of all people should know that."

"Dammit, Jim, I'm just telling you that you need to take it easy. She's not stable. She's as nervous as a kitten, and if you don't know how to treat her right, she'll flip."

"You think I don't know how to treat women?!"

"She's not 'a woman', she's Eden, and she's different!"

"Goddamn, Bones, I'm not a child. It'll be fine."

"There's things you can't tell her, things you can't bring up—"

"I know how to handle myself."

For a moment, I didn't hear anything, which worried me. But Leo's voice came back softer, quieter.

"Whatever. I don't care. But if you make one wrong move I swear to God—"

"It'll be fine, Bones…"

And then there wasn't anything else. I assumed one of them left.

Stepping away from the wall, I slowly sat down on the bed. Everything was so confusing. I wasn't  _trying_ to be a problem—I only wanted to feel accepted.

_Knock. Knock._

I stared at the door like it was a foreign thing. My stomach twisted inside me, but I acted against my fear and opened it.

"Can I come in."

Leo stood in front of the door with purpose. He didn't ask to come in. It was a statement.

My focus fluttered down, and suddenly, I felt very guilty. As I stepped back, he walked into the space with no hesitation, eyes serious.

The door shut behind me and he started speaking almost immediately.

"Why. Why are you going with him."

My lips fumbled for words as I started to feel my face heat up. "Because—because he's nice—"

He slammed a fist down on the desk, earning a flinch from me that he decided not to notice. "That's a lie."

I looked down at the ground. I'd never seen him like this. So—affected. I bit down on my lip, trying to answer him.

"Well? Are you going to tell me or not?" he said, and I could feel his stare burning into me.

"I—I need to go."

"Why?"

"I need to know how—how it feels."

He narrowed his eyes, hand gripping the edge of the desk so hard it was white, but saying nothing.

"How it feels to choose to go. I want to know how it feels to  _want_  to be with someone and they want to be with you, too. I want something mutual. I just—I don't want to be afraid of people anymore." I paused, searching for the words. "Is that so bad?" My voice was no more than a whisper, and I suddenly felt as if I had let him down.

I didn't look up at him, but he wasn't speaking. Goosebumps were raised on my arms and I felt a chill go through me.

He knew that I wanted to be with him.

And he knew that he himself was standing in the way.

Finally, he nodded, eyes still stuck on the desk. "Have a good time."

"Leo—"

"It's fine, Eden. I understand."

"Please, please, just listen—you  _know_ how I feel—"

"We've been over this before," he sighed, raising a hand to his tired eyes. "You're too young to do this to yourself."

"I'm not a child."

"The fact that you can't accept this proves that you are."

I stopped. "Alright." Slowly, I stepped away from the door, opening it for him to leave. "If you need me tonight, I'll be with Jim."

He moved to leave, and looked at me for a moment. The look on his face read a thousand different things—apologetic, concerned, dismal—but he said nothing. "I'm sorry."

But he wasn't sorry enough, because he stalked down the stairs and I was left alone in a silent room on Earth.


	15. Chapter 15

Sunlight lazily crept through my window the next morning and I watched it sleepily.

Everything was fine. Everything was going to be fine.

Tonight I would go out with Jim, have a nice time, and forget about everything that had gone wrong over the past few weeks.

I nodded to myself, still wrapped tightly in blankets in bed. Fine. Everything would be fine.

After I had gotten dressed and eaten, I made my way back to the library, eager to finish  _Catcher in the Rye_. I liked how it was written; how strange and unique the narrator's wording was. It reminded me of deciphering a dead language.

The sun was out in full force again, and I smiled; I had missed this feeling so much. The warmth on my skin. The breeze through my hair. Earth. I stopped in the middle of a courtyard, soaking up the feeling for as long as possible.

"Hey," someone tapped me on the shoulder.

I spun around and spotted a boy with green eyes and freckles in cadet reds. He was standing a good distance away, so I didn't exactly feel threatened. "Can I help you?" I asked warily.

"Are you going to that trial today?"

"...I'm not sure what you're—"

"You know, the one Professor Reynolds assigned for Ethics 101? Extra credit? The Echo Vericon trial?"

He waved a hand in front of my face as if I was dumb. So, he thought I was a student. Well. "Um—no. Not until—tomorrow."

"Well, I was wondering if you'd go and take notes for me today...I'll pay you for it. But seriously, you better go today yourself, I hear he's claiming not guilty. You're gonna need that in your own notes."

I narrowed my eyes and looked at him uneasily. "What are you talking about, not guilty? I—heard—he was caught in the act. Of trafficking."

"Well, he's claiming that he's the girl's uncle or some crazy shit. Anyways, the whole case blew up, totally different direction. How the hell don't you know this? Do you want to get an A in this class or what?"

Everything seemed to slow down. It got harder to breathe, and I felt everything beginning to spin out of control. "I need to go. I'm sorry," I began stumbling away, back to the dorm. "I'm sorry."

"Hey—wait! What about my notes!"

But I left him behind, running towards the dormitories with a ferocity that I didn't know I had. It couldn't be true. It  _wasn't_ true. I would just have to look it up on my PADD and prove this idiot wrong.

He couldn't have claimed that. He couldn't have! It wasn't true!

I rushed up the stairs to find Uhura and Spock in front of my door already, waiting for me to come out.

"It isn't true. It can't be true," I said, meeting them at the door, desperate. "Tell me it isn't."

Uhura's face was somber as she bit her lip and answered. "He's claiming that he's a relative, yes. But he won't win—he won't, because he's lying. It's obvious."

"I don't understand." My thoughts were blurry. "He couldn't prove—how did he cover up all that information—"

Spock spoke up. "Eden, I will explain the situation for you if you wish to be informed, but it is urgent that you remain calm about the entire incident. It may be more prudent to—"

"Tell me," I said without pause. I grasped onto the handrail of the balcony, feeling myself swaying precariously.

He glanced at Uhura, who nodded stiffly. "Echo Vericon is claiming that you are a distant relative of his—a second cousin. He says that he rescued you from the traders, and when he discovered that you had no family left on Earth, he offered you shelter in his home. There were questions asked about the tracking device implanted in your neck, but he merely said that you were a rebellious child and he wanted constant tabs on your whereabouts. Cruel, yes—but not illegal. And technically on his home planet, the legal age of adulthood is not eighteen, but rather—"

"Twenty-one. Yes, I know," I said, sighing, trying to pull myself together but feeling weaker and weaker as the seconds ticked on. "Do they believe him?"

"That's the thing, Eden," Uhura chimed in hesitantly. "They want you to testify this afternoon."

My throat felt as if it was closing; everything was fast and slow at the same time, and I couldn't quite figure anything out. "That's why you're here? To take me to the trial?"

Spock remained silent as Uhura nodded. "Everything's going to be fine, I promise. There's no way that he wins this thing. It just may take a little longer than we anticipated."

I couldn't focus as they walked me down the stairs. Everything was sharp. Everything was blurry. Nothing made sense.

But before I realized it, we were inside the lobby of an official looking building. There were people there, people in suits and cadet reds and officer's uniforms—people whose faces blended together until there was no end before another began.

My panic was rampaging. It was going to pop soon, but I couldn't stop it. Couldn't do anything but wait.

And then I saw him, far away but close enough to hurt me.

And he  _smiled_.

And I screamed.

I fell back onto the carpet, after I tripped over something in the overly-lavish lobby, and I could hear someone shouting for medical attention but I couldn't focus on anything besides my brain screaming  _run run run run_.

Tremors ran through me and I couldn't think at all. All I saw was his face, everywhere.

Hands held my face tightly and I shouted something unintelligible, but he wouldn't let go and I was sure it was Echo.

"Eden, Eden, Eden, you gotta listen to me. Are you listening? Nod if you're listening to me."

I remained frozen, afraid of what the voice might do. My eyes stayed shut tightly.

"Eden, it's Leo, just look at me."

I squinted up at him with blurry vision and spoke quickly—so fast that I could hardly make out my own words. "Don't let him, don't let him,"

"I won't darlin', they took him out. He's not in here."

"He's gonna take me." I felt as if there were hands were around my neck, ready to squeeze—I felt so choked. "Don't—don't let him—I can't breathe—don't—"

"It's gonna be alright. Everything is okay."

I felt the motion of him picking me up vaguely through my panic, and when I rushed back forward in time, it was quieter.

I was in a small room lying on a couch. Leo was kneeling over me.

I was sweating.

The memory flashed back like a ton of bricks falling on top of me, and I gasped before rushing into words that flew out of my mouth.

"Don't—don't let him take me, please, please, don't."

He smoothed back the matted hair from my forehead. "Everything's fine. I'm right here."

I shook my head,  _trying_ to make him understand. "He will, he will, I can't go back, I can't do it again."

"It's alright. Everything is alright. Just breathe."

"He's going to take me back—"

"No he's not. Now, focus on breathing."

His face was close, and it was hard to concentrate, but I heard him say the words with gentle force, so I inhaled sharply, letting it out a few seconds later.

"Good girl, do that a few more times."

I did as he said, the tears falling less now, but still feeling shaky. "Leo? Leo—Leo—"

"Yes, darlin', I'm right here."

"You wouldn't let him take me back, would you?" I felt very small, like a doll to be ripped apart.

It was hard to see through the haze of leftover panic, but I saw the pain in his eyes. "No. No, we'd never let that happen to you. _I_ wouldn't let that happen to you.

I nodded, accepting this as fact. I whispered quietly, "I don't want to talk to those people about him. About what happened. I—I can't."

"You don't have to. Spock's gonna do a mind meld with you, get some of your memories, and present to the court. He can't lie, you know—Vulcan thing. So they're allowed to take his word as good as yours. You won't have to do anything—they're too worried about your health right now. And so was I, for a minute there. You passed out on me."

I tried to smile. "Sorry." We were both quiet for a few moments, and I looked up at the ceiling. "If it makes you feel better, I'm not going with Jim tonight. I don't want to anymore."

"Eden, we don't have to talk about this now—"

"I just—I thought you should know. He doesn't, yet."

Leo grimaced and brushed my shoulder. "We'll talk later, all right? After all this is over."

I nodded, feeling much improved from moments earlier.

"May I come in?" Spock was standing at the door, waiting patiently for permission to enter, which Mccoy gave him in the form of a casual nod. "Eden, has the doctor explained our plan of action?"

I nodded, trying to sit up but receiving a gentle push back down from the doctor.

"Not yet," Leo said.

Spock made his way around the room until he reached the couch and took Leo's place. "I am going to initiate the Vulcan mind meld now, please attempt to relax before we begin."

As I shifted to a more comfortable position, I tried to breathe deeply. Spock was going to help. He always helped.

Fingers were touched to my temples and I closed my eyes at the contact. I remembered reading about this process in one of the medical books, and I deliberately brought my walls down so that Spock could explore my past.

It felt strange, at first, but he sensed my discomfort and earlier panic, and sent me waves of calm and peace.

Some may have seen Spock as cold, but he was kinder than most would believe.

I felt him searching through my memories of Echo and although it hurt to see them, it still hurt less than talking about them.

He stopped on a particularly painful memory of a January night where he had fed me rotten vegetables and grass because I hadn't pleased him enough. I was cold, wet, and shivering, and he had kicked me in the side.

I shivered physically, but he sent me more waves of calm before moving on.

After he found the evidence he needed, he withdrew from my mind, but not before leaving me with a memory of his—a memory of a sunset on Vulcan, were everything was peaceful and nothing could go wrong.

I smiled up at him when I opened my eyes, but his eyes were cold and serious.

Spock had now seen everything I had been through.

And he would demand justice.


	16. Chapter 16

As soon as I was escorted back to the dormitories, I fumbled with my communication device and contacted Jim.

He picked up immediately.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked, sounding as bright as ever.

"Um, actually—I won't be able to go with you tonight. I'm sorry."

"Oh—yeah, yeah, that's fine...are you alright?"

I bit my lip and looked down. "Yes. Sort of. Ask Leo—he can explain it more. I'm sorry, Jim."

"It's fine, I'll ask Bones then. We can go some other time. Let me know if you need anything, okay Eden?"

"Of course. Thank you."

I could hear the hurt in his voice after I said "Leo". I forced myself to shake the thought away like dust as I hung up.

Soon, I crawled into bed and slept for hours, wanting to forget. Nothing could hurt me in the blankness—the blackness of it all.

Luckily for me, I did not dream.

However, I was woken up by the sound of a knock. When I opened my eyes to blurry vision, I spied a clock that read 7:34 PM. There was no light coming in from the window now.

My thoughts ran away from me as I pulled myself out of bed; visions of officers ready to take me back to Echo plagued me, but I pushed then away as far as I could.

Padding over the cool floor, I opened the door to find Leo standing hesitantly. I feared the worst.

"Can I come in?" he asked, scratching the back of his neck.

I nodded, and let him in, soon taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "It's not about the—"

"No. No, it's not about the trial, don't worry." He sat at the desk across the room.

I relaxed exponentially, and allowed myself to breathe for the first time since waking up. My legs swung over the side of the bed and I watched him expectantly. "Well?"

"I was just—wondering how you were doing."

I cracked a smile. "Fine. I've been asleep. Actually, if you don't mind while we talk, I need to brush my teeth, I just—"

"Oh no, of course, this is your room and all—"

"Right, yes, of course."

The awkward silence hung between us like a wall, and while I brushed my teeth, neither of us said anything. We just...waited.

I brushed my matted hair down and turned to him. "There's something wrong, isn't there? What aren't you telling me?"

He raised an eyebrow in my direction. "What makes you think that?"

"You're not—saying anything. Something's off."

I ran a hand down the smooth surface of the desk as he looked at me pointedly.

"Why'd you call it off with Jim?"

I paused and thought over my response. "I was tired. I didn't think today was exactly a good day for a first date."

Nodding, he accepted my words at their face value and continued to fidget. He was distracted. Thinking.

"Why do you care?" I asked quietly, biting my lip the minute the words left my mouth. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The heel of his shoe tapped the floor incessantly. The man looked like a clock wound too tightly, and I was determined to find out why. He looked up, unaffected. "You're both my friends. I'm allowed to care, right?"

"Well, yes, but—"

"So, I'm caring."

"Alright."

Now I was sure something was different. His tone was choppy—and not like his usual choppiness. This was...different, somehow.

"You never really liked him. Did you."

The words hit me like a splash of cold water, forcing me to tell him the truth. I shrugged and shook my head, feeling guilty. Jim didn't deserve that. He had been too kind to me while I had been onboard the Enterprise.

"At least I changed my mind before I went," I offered weakly.

He shook his head. "No, no, don't try to apologize. You had decent reasons to go. I shouldn't be asking that. It's none of my business."

I glanced around at the quiet room, trying to somehow understand what was happening in this conversation. Frankly, I was lost. He kept shifting, like he was unsure himself.

I scratched lightly at the desk. "Please tell me what you're thinking about."

He was silent for a moment before he answered. "You."

My eyes flickered up.

He was already looking at me.

"You already know it's not because you're too young that I was avoiding you. You're too smart to believe that, aren't you?" He laughed bitterly to himself, shaking his head. "Couldn't bring myself to..." he shook his head again, trailing off.

"To—to what?" I finished softly. My heart was beating like horse hooves.

"I couldn't do it. I  _can't_  do it. I can't—hurt anybody again. I already hurt Jocelyn, I can't hurt you, too. Not you...you've been through enough. Nobody should ever hurt you again. You deserve better than that."

I felt numb as the words left his lips. I chose mine carefully. "Anyone could hurt me," I started slowly. "People  _will_  hurt me. But it's choosing to be hurt that makes the difference; allowing yourself to know that everything will be alright in the end because you  _trust_ each other. It's the choosing that counts."

He looked down at the floor, slightly amused. "I hope you know, I can be a mean bastard sometimes."

"I'm not exactly the easiest person to deal with either, if you haven't noticed yet."

He walked toward me then, for the first time, just watching me with a new interest. I counted to three before I looked up at him.

He grasped my hand gently and pulled up from my seat, close to him.

His lips met mine within the short time, and a hand was laid just barely on my shoulder. Not possessive. Just— _enough_. I reveled in the feeling of him so close, of both of us being together because we _wanted_ to be and I felt a smile bubble up inside.

I pulled away first, unwillingly. "You're not going to change your mind, are you?"

He grinned, running a hand through my hair. "No, darlin'. I guess we're stuck together."

I tiptoed up and kissed him again, feeling giddy throughout. We parted and both smiled brightly.

He laughed, leaning up against the bedpost and crossing his arms. "My god, you should've seen how mad I got yesterday when Jim said he was taking you out. Never been so jealous in my life," he laughed, and I wondered if I had ever seen him so happy. I felt proud that I had finally made him happy again.

But then I stopped.

The smile dropped from my face.

 _Jim_.

This was one situation that wouldn't be explained very easily.


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning, Leo sat at the desk across the room as I pulled my hair up.

"Look, it's not even that bad, Jim's had girls not like him before," he said as he checked the time quickly before finishing, "you're worried about something that doesn't even matter."

"I just—feel bad."

"Don't. Trust me, I'll handle it later tonight, it's not even gonna be a problem." I gave him a look before turning back to the mirror to finish. "Promise."

I laughed to myself at his confidence and shook my head, a smile still stuck on my face. I tried to keep the smile for as long as possible, not thinking about the verdict of the trial that would be announced in a half hour. The trial that would determine whether I was free or not. I tied my hair off quickly and spun around to face him.

The sound of the clock on campus ringing 11:00 echoed into the room.

"You nervous?" he asked, getting up and straightening his jacket.

I nodded slightly, pulling on my own jacket, trying to hide my own discomfort with the situation. "A little. But, there's more proof now, with Spock's testimony. It'll be fine...right?"

He smiled warmly and stepped closer to me. "Course it'll be fine. No way that bastard wins. No goddamn way." He brushed my arm and I met his eyes, smiling at the contact. Everything would be fine. Absolutely fine.

I wouldn't sink into the hysteria again.

"Come on, don't wanna be late," he said quietly, distracting me from my thoughts for a moment and shuffling toward the exit. Nodding, I reached for his hand as the door clicked shut behind us.

He squeezed back and gave me a comforting smile.

Once we arrived at the building, Spock and Uhura met us in the lobby nearly immediately.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Uhura asked, moving to hug me but stopping when she noticed that the doctor's and my hands were linked. She lifted a knowing eyebrow but said nothing.

I answered quickly as my cheeks burned pink. "Fine. It's going to the fine," I nodded, assuring myself. I turned to Spock, asking, "The odds are good, right?"

Spock tilted his head. "The 'odds' of winning, as you put it, are currently 98.021%."

My brow creased. "What about the other 1.9%?" I felt my heart thumping in my chest uncomfortably. If Spock didn't have total confidence, then how could anyone?

"The other 1.979% is taken to account for the specifics of the members of the jury. If a member so happened to be Vulcan, and knew of my parentage, then they may vote against my testimony because they do not believe me to be capable of total truth. The odds of that, however, are approximately—"

"That's probably enough, Spock," Leo said tentatively when he noticed my frown. "Thanks," he said sarcastically, quieter to Spock.

The Vulcan seemed to challenge him. "Doctor, Eden requested odds, I simply—"

"It's alright," I cut in. "Those are still excellent odds. 98% is great." I tried to look confident, but I couldn't quite muster up enough to convince them.

"Starfleet would never send you back into a dangerous situation," Uhura stated without wavering.

I nodded, but I wasn't really listening to any of them by this point. All I knew was that I wanted this to be  _over_.

"Hey, everyone." Kirk bounded up to the group, sunny as ever. "Great day to win, huh? I think the weather really compliments the—"

He trailed off when his eyes drifted down our hands. "Oh," he finished, dazed.

My head was down when I moved to pull my hand away, but Leo's grip held tight. He gave me a look that said quite clearly that everything was fine, so I nodded and looked over at the doors to the courtroom.

People were beginning to file in.

"I guess we'd better go, then," Leo said.

I nodded again, willing my legs to move. I had lied throughout the morning.

'Petrified' was the only word I could describe the sensation as. My hands began to shake as we got closer and closer in, and I tried to stop it before Leo noticed but it was too late.

He gripped my hand tighter as we entered the large courtroom, making our way to the boxes in the front. "Gonna be fine, darlin', just breathe," he whispered and then discreetly kissed my temple.

And as much as I wanted it to make me feel better, it honestly didn't.

I just had to get through this. Just a little while.

I took my seat and stared at my knees—anything to not look up and see  _him_. While I was waiting, I tried to think about something else to remove me from the situation, but everything else seemed far away and the only thing that felt close was Echo.

I winced as I thought of him being here, in this room, with me. Without a glass wall to protect me this time.

I played with the hem of my dress and tried to force myself to be patient. To be calm.

"Hey, answer something for me," Leo said, talking low. "I can't seem to remember how to treat concussion patients...why don't you explain that to me?"

I bit my lip and shook my head, "Leo, I really can't—"

"Come on, I gotta know. I'm a doctor, after all."

I smiled over at him and began explaining the treatment steps quietly, being very careful not to think about anything else and just _focus_. This was obviously Mccoy's favorite distraction method—getting me to talk about treatments—but it had worked before, and now it was working again.

"All rise for the honorable judge."

The voice came from the front of the room, and I stopped talking to stand, along with everyone else, but I kept my head down.

I kept breathing deeply. Everything was going to be alright. It would be over soon. Soon.

Once the judge reached the front, everyone was seated again, and I peeked up at him. He was a tall man, no more than fifty, with stern features and a receding hairline. He was dressed in military attire.

"The jury has reached a verdict, on this day, the 16th of November."

I didn't look up to search the jury.

My heart pounded so hard in my chest, I felt it in my head.

 _98.021%. 98.021%,_ I reminded myself.

Everything felt extra sharp.

"Echo Vericon has been found—"

I gripped Leo's hand so hard I thought it might break.

" _guilty_  by this court."

I let out a breath that I had been holding for what seemed like years. It didn't feel real. I just sat there, in shock.

When I finally turned to look at Leo, he was smiling like I'd never seen him before.

"Mr. Vericon is hereby sentenced to 65 years in prison on charges of human trafficking, sexual abuse, and physical abuse."

" _No!_ "

My focus snapped up to where Echo sat, and the entire room seemed to gasp collectively. Leo gripped my hand tighter and I huddled further into his side.

"You can't put me away that long! That pointy-eared  _thing_ was lying! Lies! All of it!" He slammed his hands down on the table. "That girl belongs with me! Why don't you tell everyone, sweetheart, tell all these people the truth."

He was staring at me, his face so contorted with anger that it was hard to look at him.

Something clicked in my mind.

I let go of Leo's hand, and stood up.

The judge said nothing, watching me. He was waiting—no.

No, he was giving me a chance to have the last word.

And I took it.

"I will tell these  _people_  the truth, Echo." My voice was steadier than I expected. I pressed on, hoping I wouldn't lose my temporary nerve.

Echo looked pleasantly surprised. As if what I would say would somehow  _change_ his sentence. As if I would defend him.

"I could tell these people that you locked me away for four years. I could tell them that you beat me until I couldn't breathe—and then laughed. Or," I narrowed my eyes, brushing a thin strand of hair behind my ear. "I could tell them that there were others before me. Lots and lots of others. I could give these people their names and identification numbers that I found out—or maybe I could tell them about how you sold your own daughter into the trade. Could—could I tell them the truth about that, too?"

The entire room was still.

Echo sat down.

He didn't say anything else.

He didn't look at me.

I had finished him off, it seemed.

Before I spoke again, I took a deep breath and looked at the judge. "Your honor, that is the only truth that I have to tell."

And I sat back down.

And smiled.

* * *

After the trial was finished, and hugs with congratulations were exchanged, I walked back to the dormitories hand in hand with Leo, saying nothing. Just thinking.

"You know, Spock's put your applications in so you can study here."

I nodded, looking over at him. "Yes, he talked to me about it. I'm going to study nursing and live here. I might get a minor in linguistics, too."

"That's good. You've got a good mind for it."

I smiled to myself, but didn't reply.

"I have a question for you, Miss Eden Reyford."

He stopped walking and so I stopped too, confused. I lifted my eyebrows in response. "Okay?"

"You know how it's shore leave and all."

"Right."

"So everybody's going off somewhere."

"Right."

He crossed his arms and studied me. "You wouldn't happen to want to visit Georgia, would you?"

It took me a moment to process what he was saying, but when I realized, I thought my face would split in two from smiling. "Are you—inviting me to go with you?"

"Only if you want to."

"Of course!" I nearly tackled him in a hug before tiptoeing up to kiss him on the cheek.

"Is that the best I get for taking you to Georgia?"

I laughed before kissing him properly, in the middle of the courtyard of Starfleet Academy. Everything seemed right in those moments.

"So, Eden, I guess you're not taking me up on that date again, are you?" said a voice from behind me.

I spun around to find Jim in front of us.


	18. Chapter 18

"Jim, wait, listen—" I faltered. The sinking feeling in my chest made me feel like I was drowning. It felt like I had let him down.

But I hadn't—had I?

"Well?" His eyes were stormy and unsettling as he crossed his arms and waited.

Leo stepped up as I stopped. "You've got no right, Jim—"

"No. No, he does have the right." Gently, I turned to Leo and asked quietly, "Could—could I talk to him alone, please."

"Eden, you don't have to—"

"I want to. Please."

His gaze was above my head on Jim, glaring, but he eventually backed down and darted away.

It was just me against the captain now.

"I'm sorry." The words left my lips almost immediately, and they were true. I was sorry. Deeply, deeply sorry.

When I looked up from the pavement, he was already watching me with a sarcastic expression on his face. He was angry, that was obvious, but I reminded myself that he had the right to be. I had told him yes, after all. I had spent a lot of time with him. This was the only natural way for him to react.

But the worst part was that he wasn't saying anything. Just staring, with his arms still tightly crossed. Disappointed.

"I was wrong to say yes to you in the first place," I started again, slowly. "You—you're a good man, Jim, and I feel so angry with myself that—"

"Were you with him the whole time?"

His words were sharp and severe and without warning. My cheeks burned.

"No."

"How long has it been?"

"Officially? Two days."

"So I was your backup."

My heart sunk again and I sighed and looked away from him. "It isn't like that."

"Then what was it?"

"Leo...didn't want me at first. He was scared. We both were. I was afraid and angry and confused, and I knew that you were someone who I cared about as a person. You were someone who wouldn't hurt me, and I  _knew_ you wouldn't hurt me, because that isn't who you are. So I told you yes. Because I was aching for something consensual and you were going to give it to me. And I knew...it would help me get better. At trusting people."

I spit the words out without apology, and left them hanging between us like a curtain. His expression changed to something softer and younger.

He spoke quietly now. "But you didn't really want to be with  _me_ though, did you. I mean, do you want to be with Bones? Or are you just looking for someone to be with who's not gonna hurt you?"

My stomach twisted as the sun glared down on both of us. I was hot, sweaty, and irritated now. "Are you questioning my choices?"

"No, no, I—"

"I want to be with him because I care about him and he cares about me. Don't ask me to explain my feelings, Jim. I know what I feel. I'm not a child."

"I never said you were! I just—"

"You just  _what_?"

"I just want you to be happy, alright?" He paused. I listened intently. "With whoever it is. That's it. And I don't want you to settle. Because you deserve the best. Bones is a good guy, I know that. I just...I want you to be happy. And if it's not with me or Bones, I want you to know that's  _fine_. I just want you to know that. That's all."

I looked up at him, feeling more secure now. "Thank you. I'm sorry about everything—"

"No, it's fine, I understand now," he nodded and then brushed my arm. "Good luck with Bones, okay?"

I nodded, barely smiling. "Good luck with the Enterprise. Hopefully I'll be back in a few years to work."

"Yeah, of course, can't wait for you to give me all those vaccinations. Now I'll get to run from both of you. Great."

Laughing, I asked him, "You'll visit me, right?"

"Course. The whole crew's gonna come looking for you every time we're on shore leave."

"Good, I'd like that." I looked up at him one last time. "Thank you for everything. And thank you for helping me not be scared."

* * *

The train ride to Georgia was long and arduous, but I was able to study for my placement exams as Leo slept beside me. His arms were crossed and his head tipped back, and I hadn't even noticed when he had fallen asleep.

I was quiet for most of the way there. Thinking. Listening to the background noise of the train. Trying to focus, but distracted by the events that loomed ahead of me.

I had been accepted for the spring semester at the academy that morning, with a complete scholarship until I graduated. I was provided housing until the next semester began.

And I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.

Leo and I hadn't talked about what would happen after the week in Georgia, when the crew would leave and I would be on my own for the first time.

Leo jerked awake and I turned to smile gently.

"I forgot to warn you." He spoke with urgency, his brows creasing.

"Warn me?"

"Jocelyn isn't one for warm welcomes."

* * *

The leaves crunched underneath my feet as we made our way up the driveway of the home he had owned with Jocelyn. We were stopping here to pick up Joanna before we went back to his mother's house to stay. The air was cool and I pulled my sweater a little tighter to my body, but I felt warmth from the colors around me. Everything was bathed in yellow, orange, and red, and the wind bushed through the leaves easily. His family lived in the countryside of Atlanta, an hour outside of the city, and everything seemed almost untouched by time.

And currently, we were approaching a stark white estate with two floors and a wrap around balcony.

"You lived here?"

He nodded, but in a quiet manner. "Right till the end." He paused. "Don't let her scare you."

"I've dealt with worse."

The doormat read  _Love is Patient, Love is Kind_.

Leo scoffed as he read it before ringing the bell.

The noise of light pattering drifted outside and my stomach twisted for the first time. No turning back now.

"Daddy!" A little girl with caramel colored braids greeted us and jumped into her father's arms, giggling with excitement.

"Hey darlin'," he said low, holding her so tightly I thought he might strangle her. "Missed you." The weight seemed to fall off his shoulders, and he was grinning like I'd never seen him before.

It was gone within a second.

"Who is she?"

A middle-aged woman with tight lips and dark eyes glared at me. I stepped back involuntarily.

"This is Eden," he said, still holding his daughter. "She's one of my med students"

Well. That's...one word for it.

The girl waved. "Hi! I'm Joanna. Are you gonna be a doctor like daddy?"

"I'm gonna be a nurse and help people like your dad out when they're too busy." She was cute, Leo had been right about that.

Jocelyn narrowed her eyes at him. "I didn't think it was common practice to bring your med students home on shore leave with you. To visit your  _daughter_."

"Jocelyn, come on...she didn't have anywhere to go." he sighed, irritated. "Not in front of Jo. Please."

"Whatever. Come inside, stop letting all these bugs in."

He stepped inside with Joanna first, and I followed behind at a close distance. Jocelyn scowled at me. "I'll be in my office. Let me know if you...need anything." She looked me over before tsk-ing and exiting the room.

I did my best to ignore her.

"Eden? How old are you?" I looked down to find the girl tugging on my dress and leading me toward the living room. She motioned for me to sit on the couch, and I followed her orders.

"I'm 19. How old are you?"

"Well, I'm five." She looked down thoughtfully. "Well, actually, I think I might be five and a half now. And also I like green, not pink. Do you like green?"

"I like blue the most."

Leo tapped me on the shoulder, and I turned quickly in surprise.

"You thirsty?"

I shook my head but Joanna pulled my attention back quickly. "If I get sick, can you help me get better?"

Looking back at Leo, I answered, "I think you'd want your dad to handle that. He's much better than I am."

"Not true. I've just been doing it longer." He sunk into the couch and patted his lap. "C'mere Jo, come talk to me."

Immediately, I was no longer the most interesting person in the room—she scrambled into his arms quickly.

"You have a boyfriend yet?" he grinned. "Breaking everybody's hearts?"

"No, I'm not d—defined by the social construct—tions of a relationship." She stumbled over the words and Leo rolled his eyes. Words taught from a very angry divorced mother.

"Really?  _Nobody_?" He looked skeptical and silly, and I decided that I liked this version of Leo. Happiness suited him.

"Well...I did share my apples with Joshua Nabors last week."

His face lit up as he called over to me. "You hear that Eden? She's practically engaged!" He tickled her stomach and her laugher flitted through the air.

I couldn't remember ever being so happy about someone else's happiness.

"Can I ask you a secret?" Jo asked her father seriously. She whispered in his ear and they both turned to look at me. He nodded with a mischievous smile on his face.

"What?" I asked tentatively.

"Can't tell, it's a  _secret_ ," Joanna said, giggling like mad.

I could tell I was going to like Georgia.


	19. Chapter 19

Leo's mother was not a tall woman.

However, she didn't have to be; she was fierce enough to strike fear into anyone who tried to cross her.

But luckily,  _somehow,_ she happened to like me.

Eleanora Mccoy lived alone on a large estate not even a few miles from Jocelyn's home. I'd learned from Leo that his father had passed on before Joanna was born, and that Mrs. Mccoy did her best to run her late husband's affairs. She had become a force to be reckoned with now that she was on her own.

The house itself had been large and unnerving upon first glance, but Leo and Joanna walked with confidence towards the man's childhood home, so I decided that I would too.

"Now Eden, why don't you help me with the dishes and we'll chat."

My focus zoomed back on the present, and I realized that I had French braided Joanna's entire length of hair without even remembering it. Shaking my head at my lapse in memory, I smiled, getting up to follow the woman into the kitchen.

Leo, who was sitting on the couch reading, caught my hand without looking up. "Don't let her push you around," he said quietly.

I smiled gently, squeezing back before murmuring, "I'll keep it in mind."

As I stepped into the well-used kitchen, I picked up a towel and began drying the plates that the older woman had already washed. She looked me over with a steady gaze.

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen."

She looked me over again with this new information, a different look appearing in her eye. "You look older." She paused. "Where y' from?"

I licked my lips warily and answered, "Alabama."

"Oh, so real close to here. You didn't wanna visit your own family on shore leave?"

I winced. But I couldn't blame her. If my son had shown up after a divorce with another girl, I would be suspicious too. "They aren't...around anymore."

She turned to glance at me softly. "I'm sorry, honey...I didn't mean to—"

"It's fine. It was a long time ago."

Nodding, she focused again on the dish in her hand, dousing it in the soapy water. She didn't say anything for a few moments, and I wondered if I should ask her questions about her life, but I didn't want to pry.

"Are you two engaged?"

My cheeks burned pink as I turned to answer her, but she cut me off.

"Well, I'm just asking. He shows up with a little thing like you on his shore leave and takes you home to meet his family—it would seem as if I'm missing something."

I looked down at the dish in my hand. "No. I honestly didn't have anywhere else to go. That's the truth."

"Well, don't look so grim, darlin', I'm just  _askin_ g." She laughed loudly. "I can see why he likes you. You're real sincere about everything. I like that."

I felt as if I had just been through a whirlwind of Eleanora's emotions. I now understood what Leo meant by the words  _that woman's like a hailstorm_.

Because she was.

"She botherin' you, Eden?"

I spun around to find Leo leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen, arms crossed. Grinning.

"Of course not. Mrs. Mccoy has been very kind." I smiled down at the ground, and when I looked up again, I noticed that his eyes danced with mischief.

* * *

Joanna spent the remainder of the evening with us, seeming to be in another world of happiness. She hadn't seen her father in months.

I was glad she was so happy.

After playing with her for a few hours, I discovered what she liked and did not like.

She liked to play dolls.

She did not like playing pretend.

She liked to color.

She did not like to paint.

These all felt very similar to me, but that's the thing—Joanna Mccoy was an extremely opinionated girl.

And I was happy to follow along in her footsteps for a few hours.

However, during our third round of pick-up-sticks, Leo approached the girl with hesitation.

"Hey, Jo-Jo," he said, settling down on the floor next to us.

"Do you want to play too, daddy? Because we could just start over—"

He shook his head. "We gotta take you home."

The look on her face nearly broke my heart. "Why?"

"Because you can't spend the night with me, remember?"

I had forgotten about how strict his visiting rights had been. And I wondered how Joanna could ever understand it.

"That's dumb," was all she offered, disappointed.

He sighed, answering, "Yep, it is. But we'll come back to get you tomorrow, alright?"

Her eyes were still sad, but she understood.

Once I helped Joanna into her jacket, we all piled in the car and drove the short distance to Jocelyn's home.

"You can stay in the car if you want," he told me, talking low.

I shook my head. "It's fine. I'd rather tell her goodnight when you do."

We walked up the driveway, but it was different this time. It was dark, and the noise of two voices echoed outside.

They were shouting.

I noted silently that Joanna's grip on her father's hand tightened. "Mr. Clay's here," she said quietly.

Leo grunted.

I wondered who 'Mr. Clay' was, but didn't dare ask.

" _It's all about you, isn't it? All the time? Me, me, me, me!"_

" _Shut up! Just shut up!"_

" _No! You can't just push me to the side whenever you want."_

" _I'm not pushing you to the side!"_

Joanna stopped walking. Leo stopped with her.

"I don't wanna go in there. They're scary when they fight."

My heart sank.

Leo kneeled down to her level and rubbed her arms comfortingly. "I know, babygirl. I know. They'll stop when you come in. And then you can run on upstairs and watch a movie."

She nodded, serious. "I hope so."

I grimaced and tried to tell myself it was only for a few hours. Just for the night, and then we'd be back to pick her up first thing in the morning.

But I knew that it wasn't so simple.

We weren't always here.

I hugged my jacket tighter to my skin as we made it to the doorway.

Joanna let herself in.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Leo said, hugging her tightly. His voice was muffled in her jacket as he finished, "Goodnight. I love you."

She turned to me then. "Night, Eden. Sleep good."

I hugged her, knowing her trepidation, remembering my own. "You too, goodnight." I held her away from me and looked her in the eye. "You're gonna be just fine."

She nodded but I didn't quite believe her.

"Do you want me to tuck you in?"

I didn't know where the words came from, but they seemed to escape without my warning so I let them be.

Joanna looked at her father questioningly.

He was less excited about this idea, and it was obvious from the look on his face that he was afraid we would face the wrath of Jocelyn.

"Pleeeaaase?"

Rolling his eyes, he answered, "All right, but hurry up."

Joanna ran in first, straight toward the stairs, but Leo caught my arm. "Don't let her catch you."

I nodded, quickly pulling away and making my way up the stairs, leaving the muffled shouts of the agitated couple behind.

Joanna's room wasn't hard to find—it was painted green and was filled with children's toys. Her bedspread was wrinkled and she waited on top of the sheets.

She had been quick—she was already dressed in her pajamas (green as well), and sighed loudly.

"I'm not tired."

"Well," I skirted around her dresser to kneel next to her bed. "You will be soon. And besides, the sooner you go to sleep, the sooner tomorrow will get here...and I definitely heard your dad say something about getting ice cream tomorrow."

Her eyes lit up. "I'll go to bed then." Climbing under the sheets, she looked up at me, waiting for me to tuck the thick blanket around her. "Eden, you're really nice."

"Thank you," I said, pulling up the blanket to her chin.

When the door was closed, it wasn't so bad—you could barely hear the voices that so desperately wanted to have the upper hand.

"Goodnight," I said, kissing her forehead.

"I wish you could stay with me," she said quietly, closing her eyes.

I sighed and got up. "I'll be back tomorrow, just go to sleep."

"Goodnight."

I closed the door behind me and shut my eyes. It shouldn't have to be like this.

"Who are you?"

I opened my eyes to find a middle-aged man with dishwater blond hair at the end of the hallway.

My mouth was dry.

"I—I was just tucking Joanna in—"

"Who are you? Babysitter?" His eyes searched me and I moved toward the stairs.

"I came with Leo—Doctor Mccoy. I'm sorry I just—"

"Oh. Jocelyn's bastard ex-husband. So he's back to visit huh?"

"I'm just going to—"

"You can tell him that he's not welcome here, spying on us." The way his eyes grazed over my being made me suppress a shiver. He took a step toward me. I took a step back. "You just tell him that Clay Treadway told him that, you hear?"

"Yes, I'll—I'll let him know."

I scurried down the stairs before he could make me feel any more threatened, shutting the door softly and making my way to the car where Leo sat.

I hoped that I'd never run into Clay Treadway ever again.


	20. Chapter 20

When I slipped back into the car, Leo said nothing. He started the car silently and we drove off in silence, leaving Joanna and his old home behind. My own heart had sunk long ago; it hurt more now because I knew I couldn't make it better. He was driving slow. Face grim.

I didn't try to speak. Instead, I laid a hand on his shoulder, slowly sliding it down and finally landing on his hand, which rested on the wheel.

"I hate it," he mumbled. The tension seemed to grow, and I could feel his anger toward the situation begin to well up inside him. He pulled over on the side of the road and we stopped.

The car was turned off.

It felt as if there was static in the silence, waiting for lightning to strike.

And when his hands slammed down on the wheel, I knew the thunder had crashed. I flinched.

"She's strong, Leo—"

"She shouldn't have to be."

I ran my thumb over the back of his hand. This wasn't easy. For Joanna, or for her father.

"I'm sorry," I added quietly.

"I did this to her...I'm leaving her here. It's my own damn fault this happened in the first place."

"No—"

"It is, Eden." He shook his head, disgusted with himself. The darkness in the car felt as if it was engulfing us, drowning us. He started the car again.

But before it moved, he gripped my hand hard as we drove off, away from the ghosts that tried so hard to haunt him.

* * *

Once I had gotten out of the shower back at the house, wearing a sweater so long it could've been a dress, I moved around the room that Mrs. Mccoy had set for me. It was in the attic, just across from Leo's old room.

I liked how pristine everything was. It was as if he had grown up in a glass world—a world with unwrinkled sheets and tall ceilings and clean, white walls.

Leo had disappeared in his room as soon as we got back. I didn't blame him for wanting to be alone.

As I scanned the bookshelf that rested near the window, I wondered where the family had acquired all of these antique books. Each of them was at least a hundred years old, and they were all different genres. Poetry, fiction, how-to manuals. I touched the spines of the books with hesitation, as if they might break.

A knock resounded.

I stepped back from the shelf like a guilty criminal, but soon laughed at myself for my fear. They wouldn't have set the books out if they didn't want them read.

When I opened the door, a hint of a smile still sat on my face.

"Hi," Leo said, leaning against the doorframe. "Can I come in?"

"Of course—right." I moved out of the way to let him in, soon finding a place to sit on the bed. "Won't your mother be angry that you're in a lady's room alone at night?" I asked, teasing him. Trying anything to make him feel better.

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her." A smile cracked on his face and I considered myself victorious.

He sat down next to me and our shoulders touched. I liked the feeling.

"I like how you get along with Jo. You're good with her. Gentle."

I blushed, looking down at my knees. "I like kids," I offered. "Besides, I'm no different than you. You take time to listen to her. That's something that a lot of parents don't understand."

"Joce sure doesn't," he huffed.

I ran my fingers down his hand. "Don't think about that now, alright?"

"It's hard not to."

"I know."

My legs were swung over the side of the bed and my toes just barely scraped the floor. I didn't know how to make him feel better, though I desperately wanted to.

And if I was being honest with myself, I knew that I couldn't.

"Thanks for coming with me."

"What, to Jocelyn's?"

He shrugged. "Here."

I turned to look at him, serious. "Of course," I finished quietly.

He was staring, and I couldn't decide for the life of me if I was nervous or if I loved it.

I didn't get the time to decide—he kissed me and the thoughts dissipated. It was just him and I together in a tiny world that I had never known.

His hand ran down my arm and my hands were on his neck, and it felt like nothing and everything all at once.

"You're beautiful," he said very quietly, and I wondered if he had even said it. Everything felt good.

But when he moved back to kiss me again, he wrapped his arms around me, and something seemed to shift. Flashbacks of Echo holding me down flashed in front of me like lightning, and I pulled away from him as if he was a threat.

He lifted his hands in surrender, eyes wide.

My brow creased. "I'm sorry—I don't know what came over me—"

"It's fine. Sorry. Didn't mean to—"

"I know," I nodded slowly. "I'm working on it."

"Takes time to forget."

I sighed. "Yes, it does."

Guilt pulled at me. I knew I couldn't give him what he wanted.

* * *

"I wish I was a caterpillar."

I looked up from the pile of leaves we had created and tilted my head in curiosity. "Why?"

"Because caterpillar's get to eat lots, then take long naps, then they can fly! I never can fly when I wake up from naps."

Leo was laughing quietly behind me, but I narrowed my eyes at him playfully to make him stop. "You're just mad because one day Jo and I are gonna grow wings and you're not," I said.

"I'll stay on the ground any day, thanks." He was focusing on the leaves in the yard of Jocelyn's home, but being the perfectionist he was—he wasn't getting much done. We had been sent outside of her home to 'wear out Joanna'.

"You work in the sky, daddy. You have wings all the time."

I laughed, watching Leo for his response. "Well?"

"That doesn't count. I don't  _know_ I'm up there. I'm inside."

"Sure. Because that's completely different."

Joanna gave me a thumbs up and giggled, revealing the gap between her two front teeth. She was beginning to grow on me. She had her father's wit, but also her mother's sharp focus.

But where she got all of her creativity from, I'll never know.

"Eden, could you do me a favor?"

I nodded, kneeling down to her height. "Sure."

She was staring at me intently, as if she was on important business. Her eyes were big and brown, like her father's. "I need you to go on a secret mission for me."

"...Okay."

"I need a hair tie from the bathroom."

I laughed freely at how serious she was about the situation. "Alright. And what drawer can these secret hair ties be found?"

"The top one on the left."

And before I knew it, I was off inside to find the mystical hair ties.

I trekked up the stairs, enjoying how warm it was inside the house, and making it to her bathroom quickly. I slipped the tie around my wrist and left the room, humming a song that Jo had played for me this morning.

"Oh, look who's back?"

I stopped.

Clay was standing in the doorway threateningly.

Chills went up my spine, no matter how much I tried to suppress them.

"Can I help you?" I said, trying to gain the upper hand.

"I don't know—can you?" He was stepping closer to me and I was stepping back, but I would soon run into a wall and he knew that.

"Please stop walking toward me."

"You scared?"

He was teasing me now, and I felt as helpless as I once had months ago. "Stop."

"No."

My back hit the wall and his hands were set on either side of my head. I was officially threatened. Panic coursed through me.

"Get away from me—"

"What is going on here?"

Clay skidded back to reveal an enraged Jocelyn, with a scowl worse than usual set on her face. She walked toward us, but brushed past Clay to accuse me.

"You come into  _my_ house with  _my_ ex-husband on your arm, and now you're trying to sleep with my fiancé?" She pointed a finger in my face, as if I was in an interrogation session. "I want you  _out of my house_ , do you understand me? And I don't just mean for today. I want you back on a plane, to wherever the hell you came from, _tomorrow_. Do you understand me?"

"Please, I just—"

" _Do you understand me_?"

I shrank back against the wall and nodded.

"Good. Now, Clay, come along. We've got to go shopping for wedding favors."

He followed behind her, but not before looking back and winking at me.

I slid down the bathroom wall as tears filled my eyes.

It had almost happened again, and the memory was jarring. I stayed still, trying to calm myself. Breathing slowly.

Everything was fine.

He was gone.

I could protect myself.

After a while, I laid my head on my knees and tried to form some kind of resolve.

The flashbacks had to stop.

I had to find some way to be normal. And there was only one way to do that.


	21. Chapter 21

"What the hell happened?"

I dropped the book on my lap and flinched at his quick, angry entrance. My heart thudded in my chest—I knew what I had to do, but I didn't want to face it. I was scared.

Earlier that day, I had walked back to his mother's house on the excuse that I had felt ill, because after the events that had happened, I was. He hadn't wanted me to go alone, but after I insisted he stay with Jo, he eventually gave in.

And now he had found out what happened. He waited expectantly for my answer. I slipped my legs off the chair carefully and asked very quietly, "What did she tell you?"

"That you tried to come on to Clay. Which I know is 100% bull."

"She wants me to leave."

"I told her we'd be gone in two days anyhow, and that she could wait that long."

Silence resounded. My thoughts were dizzying.  _I have to make things better. I have to make him happy. I have to heal._

"Did he hurt you?"

His words snapped me out of my distracted state, and as I pushed the memories away, I tried to focus. I shook my head and got up from the chair, moving toward him to touch his arm gently. "Just scared me is all," I said, barely a whisper.

My heartbeat thudded in my ears.

His arms wrapped around my frame then, and I placed my head gently on his chest. His chin rested on my head. "I'm sorry," he said.

I pulled away very slightly, held his face in my hands, and just looked at him. I hoped my hands weren't shaking.

He kissed me first, and I felt a ripple of fear go through me at what I was going to do.

 _This is what you need to heal_ , I reminded myself. If I could do this, then I could stop being afraid of everything.

I would give Leo what he wanted. What every man wanted.

Because I needed to keep him happy. And I needed to heal.

And this was the only way I knew how.

He was kissing me, and I was nervous, but everything was alright. As usual, he was gentle, and easy, and I thought to myself that maybe everything would be alright. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

But then he turned, and he placed me against the wall, unintentionally trapping me. I began to feel more and more uneasy, but I let the feeling pass.  _Everything is fine_.

Leo began to get rougher. Asking for more and more, and I gave it to him.

I hated myself for wanting to back away. But the contact made my stomach flip and twist and knot, and I found I was more nervous than I had been earlier.  _Scared_. I was still as pliant as ever as Leo pulled me even further toward him, though, too scared to say anything.

I wouldn't let myself pull away. No. He wanted this, and I wanted him to be happy—if this is what it would take. I couldn't let my stupid fears get in the way of this. I reminded myself to stay calm as his hands gripped my waist with a ferocity I hadn't seen from him before. I wanted to get better. I didn't want to be scared anymore.

I ignored the constant chanting from that tiny voice in my head that was sounding the alarms, and kept my feet rooted firmly on the spot. I poured every ounce of myself into the kiss, knowing that this was the only way to properly thank him and the only way to help myself move on, too. If I could do this, then I'd be healing. I wanted to heal.

"You are so beautiful," he brushed kisses along my jaw. I had to try to stop myself from shuddering.

Everything felt like too much. Overload.

I didn't stop, though; rather, I pushed closer, pushing past the voice in my mind that told me not to. I hesitated, before I ran my tongue along the seam of his lips, asking silently for more.  _Kissing's okay_ , I reminded myself.  _Kissing's safe. We can do kissing._

He accepted quickly, as I knew he would, and I tried to focus on how much I wanted to be with him. Because I did. I truly, truly did.

The problem came later.

"Hey," he murmured in my ear before nipping at the lobe, "jump."

I did as he said and he caught me, hands around my hips as my legs were wrapped around him. I kissed down his neck and focused on the smell of him—coffee and musk and soap. The smell of safety.

_Safe, safe, safe, you're_ _**safe** _ _._

"You're driving me crazy, darlin'."

I cracked a smile as I kissed him again, wrapping my arms around his neck. But then he shifted, and before I knew it, I was below him on the bed.

His hand rested on the side of my jaw and I tried to focus on  _him_ , but I couldn't, oh god, I couldn't—not when he was trapping me like this.

I started to feel suffocated, but tried to ignore it by kissing him deeper and giving him more.

_Don't panic don't panic don't don't_ _**don't** _

"You're so soft," I felt him say in between kisses, his hot breath fanning over me. His hand dragged from my hip up my waist. "So," he peppered more kisses to my cheek, "good".

I couldn't keep going.

I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't.

He moved to my neck and I felt myself begin to lose control.

Shuddering underneath him, I grimaced. This was bad, this was very bad, and I needed to get out  _now_.

"Leo, please" I gasped, feeling the panic fuzz my thoughts, and the dark feeling in the pit of my stomach grow.

"Mmm, yes darlin'."

But he didn't stop. He kept going.

Maybe he thought I was enjoying myself, still.

Or maybe he wasn't going to stop when I asked. Maybe he was like everyone else. Blinded by the want and the lust, unable to stop, even if they seemed kind at first.

That was when I panicked.

I shut my eyes tightly, blocking everything out, and begging, "Please stop, please, please, I can't." He touched my cheek and I flinched away. "Please don't keep going," I added weakly.

Immediately, he sat up, worry and concern painted plainly across his features. "Did I hurt you, darlin'?"

I rushed away, over to the chair on the other edge of the room, hiding myself away from him. "I'm sorry," I choked out. I started crying, and he moved to comfort me, but I flinched again as he got close.

"What happened?"

"I—I just wanted to make you happy. I wanted to heal. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I wiped aimlessly at my tears. "I know you don't want someone who's afraid of you all the time. I'm sorry, I'll get better, I promise I—"

He knelt down in front of the chair I was huddled in. "Don't apologize. It's alright. It's my fault."

"No, it's not."

"I shouldn't be pushing you this far. You need to go slower than this. I got carried away—it's been a long time."

I shook my head, ignoring that. "No. No, I need to stop being afraid, I  _know_ you wouldn't hurt me, I  _know_ ,but I still get scared and I don't know what to do—"

I stopped trying to explain, feeling guilty that I had led him on this far. He looked like he was in pain because he couldn't reach out and comfort me.

"I'm sure Joycelyn didn't do this to you," I finished.

"Do you see Joycelyn here?"

I shook my head.

"Well then."

"I j—just—I want to make you happy. I want to give you what you want."

"You don't live to please me, Eden. You do what you feel comfortable with. You should never have to do anything you don't want to because of somebody else."

I nodded sullenly. "I do—I just...can't yet. I want to but I  _can't_." I bit my lip. "I just don't know how to get better. I want to be normal."

"You  _are_ getting better. Do you remember how you were six months ago on the Enterprise?"

I nodded.

"You're not the same girl. You're making progress. It's slow, but that's how it's gonna be for a while. By the time I see you again next year, you're gonna be a different person from now. Stronger. Braver. Promise you."

"I'm going to miss you. A lot."

He smiled grimly to himself. "Me too. But you'll only be gone for a few years. If Jim Kirk can get a captaincy in three years, I bet you could finish nursing school just as quick."

I shot him my first real smile of the night. "Are you betting on me, Leonard Mccoy?"

"Absolutely. You always put your money on the ones that were injured. They always come out stronger in the long run."


	22. Chapter 22

**_Epilogue_ **

My days in Georgia ended faster than I could have imagined. As did my time with Leo.

Telling him goodbye was hard; he nearly had to claw me off him before he left.

But being on my own was harder.

At first, throughout most of the Christmas holidays, I kept to myself. I left my dorm only to eat and pick up more books. The grief of losing my second family nearly overwhelmed me.

I felt so foreign, even to myself. I missed my new friends. I missed Leo.

But school started soon, and I was forced out. I gained a roommate. A friend I could count on for years to come—Carol Marcus.

It was Carol who coaxed me out of my shell, slowly.

The classes at the academy were engaging and challenging, and once I became braver, I excelled in my classes.

Leo and I talked every three or four days. I had decided as soon as I had left that I would not bother him by trying to communicate with him every day—he had a medbay to run and I had to study.

I also had to rediscover who I was, alone.

But when we did speak, and his face flashed up on the screen, I always felt as if I could breathe again. Sometimes, we would laugh about a story of mine, or over something Jim had done. Other times, we were quieter. He had maybe lost a patient, or I was frazzled with the stress of keeping my scholarships. Occasionally, we even added Jo to the conversation, and we made sure she was doing well.

Sometimes I called Joanna alone, to make sure everything was alright. She trusted me with information that she thought would upset her father; we grew to be fast friends.

Back at school, Caroline often dragged me out to coffee shops, or to concerts, and I was glad for her. Because slowly, I forgot that I was different.

I was Eden Reyford. And I was no different than any other student. I was wholly myself, and I was content.

Leo managed to visit once or twice a year. He would meet me at the academy and we would make our way to Georgia to see Jo. During most of his visits, I didn't want to let go of him, because it didn't feel real. I waited so long for him to come back, and when he did, they were always beautiful times that never lasted quite long enough.

Jim once confided in me that Leo was always cranky when he got back after shore leave. He also said Leo often talked about missing me.

Carol knew how much I missed him. We didn't talk about Leo much.

Three and a half years flew by, and I graduated with a degree in nursing and a minor in linguistics. I was older. Braver. Sure of myself. I no longer flinched when people moved too quickly. I could hold my own in most situations. And I was happy.

Jim made sure that my first assignment was to the Enterprise.

And I was soon made head nurse of the medbay, under a certain Doctor Leonard H. Mccoy.

Years passed, and we grew stronger together. We helped each other in the good times, and in the bad times. Leo hadn't been lying when he said he could be mean. But I had my own set of problems, still dealing with the aftershock of what had happened to me. But we kept going. Little by little.

Leo proposed to me on a Tuesday, a few months after I turned 24.

I accepted.

Jim officiated our wedding, happier than I'd ever seen him.

And now, I write this from mine and Leo's shared quarters. They are the same quarters where I stayed with him all those nights ago, and learned to trust him.

I started out a broken, injured girl with no trust in anyone. A girl as sharp as a fox, who flinched at every turn.

I am no longer that girl.

I am Eden Reyford. And I am  _free_.


End file.
